To be a fly on the wall…

Miss me?  Sorry about being MIA for a few days.  I’m having a houseguest beginning on Friday and it’s been hectic trying to finish everything at work in preparation for being out next week and trying to get the house ready for company.  Plus, I’ve spent a lot of time planning an epic week-long adventure in NYC for my houseguest.  Who is it?  I will reveal that later in the week. 

For now…I bring you the latest installment of “Funny Things J Says”…and he’s definitely been on a roll lately.  Sometimes I wish I had a camera following us around all day…we would make very entertaining TV…

  • The alternator on the car died again…for the third time…a few weeks ago and J’s been trying to fix it.  Last time it died, it took my brother…a trained mechanic…a whole day to fix it.  Apparently, the location of the alternator makes it particularly difficult to remove.  J’s not a trained mechanic…so you can imagine how long it took him to replace.  At one particularly frustrated moment J looked at me and said “The next Japanese guy I see is getting punched in the face.”  When I pointed out that not every Japanese person had a hand in designing our car he said “Yeah, well the next one I see will just have to take one for the team.”
  • We were watching TV the other night and the show that came on after Extreme Couponing was called Strange Sex.  The lead in was a guy saying something like “I wasn’t worried when my penis first started to turn black, but eventually the whole thing was black and it fell off.”  I said, “Wouldn’t you worry when your penis FIRST started turning black?”  J looked at me with a totally straight face and said “Shan, that’s not even funny.  Let’s not make jokes about my penis falling off.”
  • Our CT neighbors have been doing some sort of work on the front of their house that involves them running a masonry saw.  We thought they were just replacing their front steps, but they’ve been working on this project every weekend for three months and they run that damn saw from 8AM until after it’s dark.  Yesterday, we were outside all day and the racket was really annoying.  At one point, J slid out from under the car, sat up and said “What are they doing over there…building Stonehenge?” 
  • We were in the car last week, talking about Gabrielle Giffords and I was saying how nice it was that her husband stayed by her bedside, holding her hand.  I commented that I didn’t think J would be quite so dedicated.  To which he responded “Her husband is going into space?  How is that dedicated?  He’s getting as far away from her as possible.  I might not keep a vigil at your bedside, but at least I’d be on the same planet!”
  • When I told J that I was going to write this post about him he said he really hoped I never turned up dead.  When I asked why he said “You write so much crap about me on that blog that I’d probably be the number one suspect in your murder…even if I didn’t do it.”

And while this next quote is not from J…it was inspired by him.  A few weeks ago, after packing all her belongings into her car for a trip from GA to KY, Allyson sent me the following email…

  • My car is completely packed. Can you freaking believe it all fit? It was like the loaves and fishes. And nothing like Judas. Tell J. It had nothing to do with Judas.

That email made me laugh all day.  (If you don’t know what J has to do with Judas, read this and this.)

I hope I’ve given you some Monday morning giggles.  And I promise to have a lot more going on here this week than I have in the past two!