I have to admit that I seriously slacked off this week in keeping notes for today’s post. I only had one or two things to write about…and I can’t have that because my brother totally yells at me when RMF is too short. Luckily, J and I went to the Giants’ game last night and all of a sudden I had a ton of stuff to work with. There’s just something about New Jersey that gives me a lot to say/make fun of. Also…driving in the car with J leads to priceless conversations. So for your reading enjoyment…
- Driving over the George Washington Bride, I noticed a car next to us cover in NY Giants bumper stickers…
Me: Do you think those guys are Giants fans?
J: What guys?
Me: The guys in that car right there?
J: What car?
Me: The car right next to us covered in Giants paraphernalia.
J: I don’t know what you are talking about.
(The car pulls into the lane in front of us.)
Me: That car…right in front of us…with all the Giants paraphernalia on it.
J: What about it?
Me: Seriously? Nevermind.
J: (snickering) Hee hee hee…you said paraphernalia.
Me: You are an idiot.
- When you come off the GW Bridge, the highway splits into express lanes and local lanes. Everyone always think the express lanes are better and go that way…which means that there will be traffic that way…you know, because EVERYONE goes that way. Me…I like to take the local…there’s always less traffic on the local side. Every single time we drive over the bridge J asks me if he should take the express or the local. Last night’s conversation went like this…oh and I apologize for the crudeness of this one…
J: Local or express?
Me: Local…always local.
J: Right…because then you can get off the highway to take a crap.
Me: Excuse me?
J: Well I’m just saying that on the express side you can’t get off at the exits. But on the local side you can get off if there is traffic and go eat or get gas or just park and stretch your legs.
Me: What does that have to do with taking a crap?
J: I’m just saying.
Me: Don’t just say…ok. Just shush.
- Sometimes I catch myself doing or saying things and I realize that I’m just being a complete ass. I had one of those moments last night. The Giants weren’t playing very well and the game didn’t get really interesting until the end of the 3rd quarter, so I spent a lot of time looking around at the people sitting by us. I noticed a lot of girls in really short shorts walking around with Louis Vuitton bags. I started thinking to myself…what’s up with all the short shorts? Is it, like, the required uniform? And if so, am I going to have to stop coming to the games? Because I am NOT wearing short shorts. And who brings a Louis Vuitton bag to a football game? Seriously…you have to bring your designer labels everywhere you go? At this point I noticed…out of the side of my eye…my bag, resting on the seat next to me. My Louis Vuitton bag. Oops. Well…at least I wasn’t wearing short shorts.
- When we were kids my parents often took us to Mets games. They would buy the 4 tickets and then, at the game, they’d buy my brother and I food and programs and t-shirts and whatever we wanted…and we wanted everything and we ate a LOT. While I know it wasn’t cheap (and both of my parents just confirmed this for me), it was still do-able. Now, all the NY teams have made it so expensive to go to a game that I doubt the average family of four would be able to do the same thing. J and I figured it out last night and we guessed that it would cost a family of four between $700 and $1,000 to go to a game (depending on where you sit), after buying the tickets, t-shirts, hats, food, programs…and that doesn’t include the per ticket license fees. How many families can afford to do something like that? Probably not many. It’s a shame too, because those Mets games when I was kid were really awesome.
- Kids today have absolutely no manners. Our seats happen to be right in the middle of the row…of course…so when we get up we have to walk past a lot of people to get out. It’s annoying to everyone to have to stand up to let me pass, so I really try not to do it often. I did have to get up once to go to the bathroom and as I tried to negotiate my way down the row, the four kids sitting next to me refused to get up. I had to climb over them and in the process almost knocked over one of their drinks. When I came back, they continued to just sit there like I wasn’t trying to get by. Their father did get up for me to pass, but didn’t correct any of his kids or tell them to move. I’m really hoping they aren’t going to be at every game. They are super annoying.
And lastly…I was able to channel my inner Theresa Guidice last night and deliver my favorite line in RHONJ history (from Monday’s reunion show)…
- I told J that I was going to use some of our car conversations for today’s post. He always tells me that his material is copyrighted and I’m not allowed to use it without his express written consent. I ignore him, of course. So last night, he told me that I’m not allowed to talk about him…which set me up perfectly to yell…”Bitch, I don’t talk about you!” in my best Jersey Girl accent. It made my night!
And that’s all I’ve got for this week. Geez…that was really long. If you are still reading…thank you!
I hope you all have a fabulous and wonderful holiday weekend! See you Monday.