Stream of Consciousness Sunday…A Friendship Ends…

 

I have a friend that I’ve known almost my entire life.  But I’m beginning to think that the only reason we are still friends is because we’ve been friends for so long.  Once we had a lot in common.  We shared interests and dreams and goals.  We wanted roughly the same things out of life.  We were always together and we knew everything about each other.

Now, I read her blog and her Tweets and her Facebook updates and it’s like I’m reading about a stranger.  Our lives have taken different paths and we no longer have anything in common.  We no longer share the same dreams and goals.  We don’t even really have anything to talk about.  On the rare occassions that I see her, I feel awkward and uncomforable.  We used to be able to sit and talk for hours…and now it’s a struggle to make it through a lunch.

I’ve certainly had friendships end in the past, but there was always a reason for it…a fight or something that happened…and I could point to a specific moment and say “That is when our friendship ended”.  But in this case…there isn’t a specific thing…no moment or event…that led to the undoing of our relationship.  We’ve simply grown apart…we are no longer the same people.

I imagine that our friendship could survive if we both make an effort to maintain it…but I’m not sure I want to continue making that effort.  That sounds really bad…but it’s the truth.   Being friends with this woman is a lot of work and I don’t think I get enough out of the friendship to spend the time.  And the truth is…I don’t think she cares one way or another.  She’s filled her life with other things and I don’t think our friendship is very important to her.

It feels strange to make a decision to just let a friendship slip away…to not fight to maintain it…especially after you’ve known someone for decades.  I miss the girls we once were and the closeness we shared…but I know this is the right decision for me.  It just makes me a little sad.

 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

1. Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
2. Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
3. Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
4. Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
5. Link up your post with all.things.fadra.
6. Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday…the control freak edition…

 

I am a control freak.  I’ve always been a control freak.  Sometimes I try to deny it…but lately my control freak tendencies have gotten worse.  The other day, J mentioned that he’s going to be on vacation for two weeks after Thanksgiving and he’s going to spend the time in CT, installing molding and building bookshelves and painting.  At hearing this news, I had a physical reaction.  My heart started beating faster and I palms started to sweat.  What did he mean he was going to put up molding WITHOUT ME?????  There is no way I can take those days off work…he’s going to be unsupervised.  What if he messes it up???  What if I hate it???

Seriously…this was pretty much the worst news I’d gotten all week…you know, except for what’s going on with my dad.

Later on the same day, we decided to hang new drapes in the den.  Two minutes into the project, we started arguing.  J asked that I just step back and give him control of the situation for a few minutes.  I did…I stopped giving orders and I let him be in charge.  I stood quietly by, handing him tools and checking the level when he asked me to…and doing my absolute best to hold my tongue.  It was almost painful.

On the second bracket, J ran into trouble…the molly bolts weren’t holding.  I really wanted to jump in and help…but I stayed quiet and let him work out his next step.  He tried several other anchors we had and finally found one that seemed to be working…until he overtightened it and pulled the whole thing right through the wall.  I can’t tell you how difficult it was for me not to scream “I told you so!!!”

We decided to hang the drapes another day…after the hole in the wall is repaired.  If I get my way…I will just hang them on a day when J is out…and I am pretty sure I won’t end up with a giant hole in the wall.  But I don’t know how I’m going to handle being at work for two weeks while he’s home, cutting and nailing and sanding and painting all on his own.  I’m going to be a basket case…and I’m probably going to have a really unproductive week at work.

I really have to work on letting go more.

 

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

1. Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
2. Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
3. Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
4. Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
5. Link up your post with all.things.fadra.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Stream of Consciousness Sunday…

 

I started blogging because I have a lot to say…all the time.  I have opinions about pretty much everything.  I have a ton of stories to share.  I see things every day that I want to talk about.  I’ve been at this for almost two years now and it’s gone pretty well.  I’ve kept up a pretty hefty posting schedule for most of that time.  But lately I’ve been slacking.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say…it’s just that life has been getting in my way.  My blog was suffering.  My posts were sporadic…and mostly pretty terrible.  I just couldn’t seem to find the time to put together good posts.  I was afraid that I’d run out of things to write about.

I was so glad when November started and NaBloPoMo gave me a reason to start writing every day.  It forced me back into a regular blogging schedule.  To be honest…at first I was overwhelmed and I froze up.  I felt so much pressure to actually produce something that I wasn’t really producing much.  I spent the better part of the 1st staring at a blank screen.

But then I just relaxed and let go…and I found that I still had quite a lot to write about.  That first day I wrote a couple of posts and I put together a plan for that week…figured out what I wanted to write on which days.  Then I scheduled time…actually wrote it down in my planner…to sit down and write each day’s post.

That advanced planning has been a huge help and I feel like I’m getting things back on track.  Not every single one of my posts this month has been spectacular…and there are a couple that I clearly just threw together in minutes.  But for the most part, I’m happy with the way things are going.  I feel good about what I’m putting out here every day.

I don’t think I can keep up the daily posting schedule forever.  Once November is over, I’ll probably cut back a bit…but I’ll definitely be on a schedule.  So far, this month has taught me that, yes, life is busy and sometimes things get in the way of what we’d rather be doing…but if something is important to you, there are ways to find the time for it.  I’ve found the time for blogging again…time that isn’t rushed or hurried.  I’m so glad that I have…I really missed it.

*****

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

1. Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
2. Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
3. Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
4. Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
5. Link up your post at allthingsfadra.
6. Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.