Those dogs were barking…

When I got on the bus last night to go home, it was crowded and stuffy and I was really tired and cranky.  I just wanted to close my eyes and will the bus to get home fast. 

At the stop after mine a woman got on the bus and sat in the very last available seat…which was, of course, right next to me.  She wanted to chat.  She grilled me for ten minutes about whether the bus was always this crowded at this hour and should she try taking an earlier bus?  What about a later bus? 

Finally, she shut up and I closed my eyes.

I few minutes later I hear the noise of a dog barking coming out of her purse. 

I realize the barking is her cell phone.

She doesn’t realize it.

She finally figures it out and pulls out the phone…

(Capital letters indicate high volume.)

HELLO?

(Eye roll from me…because is this lady serious?)

YEAH, I’M ON THE BUS.

(Yup, it appears she’s serious.)

THE PHONE BARKED AGAIN.

YEAH…BARKED…YOU KNOW, LIKE A DOG.

(This causes me to smile…because it’s pretty funny.)

NO…IT BARKS…LIKE WOOF WOOF WOOF.

(Now I’m giggling.)

ANYWAY, I’LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET OFF THE BUS.

And she hangs up.  I close my eyes again.

Then the phone barks again.

HELLO?

YEAH, I’M ON THE BUS AND THE PHONE KEEPS BARKING.

NO, I MEAN IT’S BARKING…LIKE A DOG.

(Giggling again.)

YES, I’M SURE.  LIKE A DOG.  IT GOES WOOF WOOF WOOF…WOOF WOOF WOOF. 

(Now I’m full-fledged laughing.)

I AM NOT CRAZY…THE WHOLE BUS CAN HEAR IT…IT BARKS LIKE A DOG…WOOF WOOF WOOF.

(Now I’m in hysterical and in tears.)

THE WOMAN NEXT TO ME IS LAUGHING…BECAUSE THE PHONE BARKS LIKE A DOG AND SHE CAN HEAR IT AND SHE KNOWS I’M NOT CRAZY!  YOU’LL SEE WHEN I GET HOME.  I HAVE TO GO.

And she hung up.  She tells me her son thinks she crazy, but she thinks he changed her ring tone to screw with her.  I think she might be right, because he called again…and again. 

She didn’t answer.

She just let her phone bark…like a dog. 

I was really hoping for a peaceful ride…and even though I didn’t get it at least it was humorous!

Random Musings Friday…

I am running sooooo late today.  The weather here has been nuts the last few days and the worst of it was this morning…during rush hour.  We’ve gotten something like 4 inches of rain since 5AM and everything is flooded.  I would have gotten to work faster if I had a boat.  As it was, I spent almost two hours on the bus…which was super awesome.  Because you know how much I love the bus!  It did give me today’s first random musing though…

  • There is this woman I see on the bus sometimes that I don’t like.  She’s rude and nasty and she really rubs me the wrong way.  I had the pleasure today of sitting right across from her and I noticed that he kept reaching inside her shirt.  I was reading so I was seeing all this from the corner of my eye.  When she was standing to get off the bus I looked up and realized that he was pulling her cell phone out to check the time and then putting it back.  The holder was clipped to her bra.  If that’s not class, I don’t know what is.
  • The other night, J came home around 11PM.  We were talking on the phone while he was driving (he was using a hands-free device!) and we hung up when he pulled into the driveway.  I was in the bedroom watching TV.  I heard J activate the car alarm and expected to hear the door open, but I heard nothing.  For 10 minutes.  Finally I went downstairs to see what was up.  Apparently, the neighbor popped up out of nowhere when J was walking down the driveway to apologize for the smoke alarm beeping issue.  They get to chatting and J finds out that the neighbor is doing some repair work to the walkway in front of his house…at 11PM.  But hey…whatever works, right?  Except, the guy was doing the work in his underwear.  Boxers.  Wife-beater.  Socks.  Sandals.  Seriously.  That’s just not necessary.   Put some pants on dude.   No one wants to see that.
  • There is a teacher in the Bronx who apparently went onto Huffington Post this week and admitted that she was a prostitute before she was a teacher.  She used her real name and her photo.  Now everyone is all in an uproar about it and parents are calling for her to be fired.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.  On the one hand…good for her for going to school, getting a masters and bettering her life.  Also, bravo for her honesty.  On the other hand…what kind of idiot uses their real name when discussing this and doesn’t realize that their students are going to find out and that it’s going to become a problem?  I think I’d probably call for her firing, too…not because she was a prostitute, but because she has no common sense. 
  • My friend and co-worker is in the hospital right now in labor.  She called me earlier to give me an update on how things are progressing.  While we were talking she was eating ice chips and the crunching was driving me nuts.  I wanted to ask her to stop, but I thought that was kind of bad…you know, denying a woman in labor her ice chips.  So I sucked it up.  But man was I relieved when she said she had to go because the doctor came in.  That probably makes me a terrible person.

And lastly…I have an item that is kind of sad…as it signals the end of humanity as we know it…

  • Snooki is writing a book.  A novel about falling in love on the boardwalk.  Until recently this chick hadn’t even read a book…ever…and now she’s going to write one.  I’m not even sure what to say about this.  I think I have to go sit in the corner and rock back and forth while holding my head and crying.  The worst part is…you know it’s going to fly off the shelves.  I seriously hope this is a joke. 

I hope that last bit didn’t ruin your weekend.  If you are on the east coast and experiencing this same shitastic weather…I’m really sorry and I hope you dry out soon.  Happy weekend everyone!

Random Musings Friday…

I woke up yesterday and my first thought was “Yay, it’s Friday.”  My second thought was “Wait…shit…it’s only Thursday.”  It was very disappointing.  But now it finally is Friday so…Happy Friday!

This week’s random musings…

  • I constantly second guess what I write here.  I write and then I read and then I re-read and then I edit and then I read again and then I finally publish it.  Generally, 15 minutes later I start thinking “I really could have said that differently” or “Oh…maybe I should have written this”.  I never think it’s funny or clever or detailed or heartfelt enough.  I really have to stop doing this…it’s mentally exhausting!
  • The other night I went to pick up a pizza and ran into the grocery store really fast to grab a bottle of soda for J.  Well…I thought it would be quick.  I was wrong.  There is only one express lane at this particular grocery store and it’s a self-checkout lane.  A couple jumped in front of me as I was walking to the lane with my single bottle of soda.  They had three cases of water, but I didn’t think anything of it and figured it would be fast.  They scanned their water and  hit the pay button and then…they pulled out a bag of dimes.  DIMES!  That had to be inserted into the slot one at a time.  To pay for three cases of water!  Let me tell you…they had to use a lot of dimes.  It took forever.  It took so long that I actually got onto a regular line behind a woman with a cart full of groceries and I was done faster than the people with the dimes.  I guess I should be happy that they weren’t using pennies!
  • I was reading some information about donating blood…you know, gearing up for my big donation…and I discovered that gay men cannot donate blood in NY State.  Neither can hookers, but that I sort of understand.  But gay men?  I feel like they are saying that all gay men are irresponsible and have unprotected sex and are all diseased.  Maybe I’m overreacting, but if I was a gay man…I’d be all kinds of offended. 
  • The county has been threatening to shut down our bus service from the ‘burbs into the city since last year.  We fought them on it and they agreed to keep the service going, but they cut it significantly and they raised the prices a lot.  A woman got on the bus the other day and was shocked and appalled to find that the price was $7.50 (up from $5.50) and she not longer got her senior discount during rush hour.  She started complaining loudly about how she’s only trying to get to the city for her cancer treatment and they are trying to make that impossible.  The driver was looking at her like “what do you want me to do about it lady” and not saying anything.  Finally she sat down…next to me, of course.  She looks at me and says “Isn’t this ridiculous?  I bet Obama doesn’t take the bus so what does he care how much it costs.”  I just ignored her because how do you respond to that?  What the f does the president have to do with the fares of a semi-private suburban bus company?  There are a lot of things we can blame on the president for sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. 

And finally…

  • This morning I saw something that really upset me but made me all warm and fuzzy at the same time.  There was a dog on the highway that had gotten hit by a car.  He was trying to run away but he couldn’t stand up on his back legs and kept falling over.  It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen and I had to fight the urge to cry.  I also had to fight the urge to smack the bus driver upside the head with my umbrella…because he was honking his horn and yelling at the people who had stopped to try to help.  My bus driver is an asshole.  However…the people who were helping…those people are awesome.  There were four Verizon workers in two different trucks pulled over to the side and trying to run out into the middle of the highway, a school bus driver trying to block traffic for them so they didn’t get hit and two drivers who stopped their cars right in front of the dog to block him from getting hit again.  I called my brother, who works a few minutes away, and asked him to go see if they got the dog off the road safely or if he could help at all.  He went down there and found nothing, so I’m hoping someone got the dog to a vet and that he’s ok.  I’m sending out good wishes for him and for all those kind people who took the time to stop and help.  It’s a nice reminder that not everyone sucks and there are nice people in the world. 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

Random Musings Friday…

Happy Friday!  I remembered to take notes this week…yay!  Here’s what I noticed/saw/thought about this week…

  • J watched Monday’s Real Housewives of NJ with me.  Well…he watched for 10 minutes and then went upstairs.  He was there for the part where Theresa said to Danielle “I didn’t grow up in Franklin Lakes…I’m from Patterson, Bitch!”  It’s his new favorite line.  Whenever I’m doing something annoying he says “Don’t mess with me…I’m from Patterson…you know what that means.”  Then he laughs.  This cracks me up.  Because I’m not really sure what being from Patterson means.  Anyone?  Is it a rough neighborhood?
  • There is a guy who gets on the bus every morning who is always still getting dressed.  Usually he’s tying his tie still or tucking in his shirt.  Tuesday we reached new levels of undress.  He got on the bus with his t-shirt untucked, his dress shirt on, but totally unbuttoned, his tie in his mouth and he was just doing up his belt.  I mean…I like to sleep a few extra minutes in the morning too, but seriously…this guy needs to set his alarm a little earlier.
  • There seem to be a lot of kids on the train commuting into the city for summer internships.  I don’t remember this many last year.  Last night, two of these kids sat behind me and I got to listen to their conversation.  One kid started talking about a woman he was working for who was from Canada.  He was making fun of her accent and described all of the funny things she said during the day.  The other kid was sitting in disbelieving silence until he said “So wait…you mean she’s from Canada but she lives here?”   His tone was the same one I would have used if I said “You mean she’s from Mars?”  Robyn recently posted about finding this attitude about Canadians when she visited the states and now I know what she meant.  I still don’t understand it.  Robyn is awesome.  So is Cher.  Come on people…Canadians rock!
  • We are currently house-hunting and we have recently looked at several houses that are currently being rented.  The tenants have given us the hardest time about seeing the houses.  I went to see one the other day and the people were WIERD.  Seriously.  They followed us around the house like we were going to steal something.  It made me really uncomfortable and I was hesitant to open closets and look in the bathrooms.  Luckily, my realtor is really pushy so she did it.  Now I want to take J back to see it and they are being difficult about the timing.  We’ve had to reach out to the owner to see if they could do anything.  There was another house that I really liked also…but the tenants gave us such a hard time when I wanted to bring J back that we said forget it and the owner lost a potential sale.  PSA…if you are going to rent out your house, make sure you put something in the lease that says the tenants have to co-operate with the sales efforts.
  • Today is my boss’s birthday and we just ordered cupcakes for him.  Wasn’t that sweet of us?  Yeah, it wasn’t.  It was purely selfish.  We just really wanted cupcakes and this gave us a good excuse to get them.  We ordered good ones, with lots of yummy frosting in flavors that we like.  We don’t even know if he likes cupcakes.  We are selfish bitches. 

I had that whole post written and when I went to publish it, it disappeared.  I had to re-type the whole thing.  I hate technology. 

Anyway…that’s it for me for this week.  I hope you all have a fabulous weekend.  See you Monday!

Random Musings Friday…

Another week gone.  I feel like time is just flying.  I mean…it was just Christmas and now it’s June!  How did that happen?  Maybe it’s because I’m getting old.  I remember being a kid and it felt like summer took forever to arrive and then lasted forever.  Anyone else feel like time is zooming by them?

Anyway…on to this week’s random musings…

  • One night this week, I was walking through the subway and two people were fighting.  They were yelling and cursing and insulting each other’s mothers…it was a doozy.  And I was totally fascinated.  I didn’t stop to watch because that would have been rude and potentially dangerous.  So I continued on my way and got on the escalator…then I turned around and watched them scream at each other until I got to the top.  I find that I do things like this whenever I see a fight or argument break out in public.  Does this make me a freak?  I think, no, considering there were so many people standing around, watching.  What is it about watching people make a scene in public that is so damn interesting?  If you see something like that, do you stop to watch?
  • Right now J and I are having a war of our own.  It’s a silent war filled with sneaky, covert operations and strategic planning.  The object of the war…the blender.  See, my kitchen is small (I wish I’d thought to take pictures…) and I have very limited storage space.  I have no options for my small appliances but to leave them on the counter, but I have limited counter space too.  And I hate having a cluttered kitchen.  Normally, the blender lives in the corner, next to the toaster and out of the way.  However, J has been making smoothies a lot lately and wants the blender more accessible.  I moved some things around to make room for it on the other side of the kitchen and placed it on the opposite counter, in front of a window.  J has decided that “blenders do not belong in front of the window” and moved it to squeeze it in between a jar of dog treats and the standing mixer.  There is no room for it there and now everything is crammed together and there is a big open space.  This drove me up the wall.  So I moved it back to the window.  When I came back into the kitchen later, it was moved again.   I finally yelled that it’s my blender and he’s not allowed to touch it.  He ignored me and moved it again after I went to sleep.  This will continue for weeks I’m sure.  Wait until he finds out that I also ordered a new coffee table without telling him.  Ah, the things you have to do to amuse yourself after ten years together.
  • I guess I was in a bit of a nesting mode this week and while I was home on Wednesday, playing hooky from work, I made a little trip to Bed Bath and Beyond.  While I was there I decided to buy new runners for the entry and hallway downstairs.  I chose the softest ones I could find because the dogs like to lay on the rugs while we are at work.  Well…J went one step further.  He dragged both runners together and covered them with a blanket to make a larger, even softer area for the girls to lay.  Apparently, this was not good enough for Sadie…who is a princess.  J was watching her on the petcam and he called to tell me that she had balled the blanket up and made it into a pillow and then proceeded to sprawl out on the rugs with her hed on the blanket.  Do you think my dogs might be a little too pampered?  I blame J…he’s ridiculous with them.  I am totally sane and never, ever sit on the floor so they can lay on the couch…especially not last night…
  • There is a woman on the bus who has the best shoe collection I’ve ever seen and she’s always wearing 4 inch stilettos.  To commute.  I wear sneakers or Crocs or flip flops…never heels.  Ever.  She and I get off at the same stop and we both go to the same deli every morning for breakfast.  I swear, she beats me there every freaking day.  Today…she was walking out by the time I was walking in.  How does she do it?  I’m wearing flats, people!  She’s in stilettos! 
  • Speaking of people on the bus…there is this guy at my bus stop most days.  He’s pretty quiet, but I’ve always gotten a really strange vibe from him.  After a few months of seeing each other every morning, he started saying hi to me.  So I would say hi back and smile.  Then one day, he got off the bus at my stop, which I found out is 20 blocks earlier than his stop, and he walked with me all the way to my office.  I was a little creeped out, but whatever…he seemed harmless.  I mentioned J a lot during that walk and he never did it again.  Well, his behavior is getting stranger.  He insists on being the first one to get on the bus and will push people out of the way to be first.  It’s not a crowded bus and there are plenty of seats, so I don’t get it.  Sometimes, he’ll get on and stamp his feet all the way to his seat and swing his bag around really close to people’s heads.  He’s also taken to staring at people and lifting his sunglasses every few minutes so you know he’s staring at you.  This morning, he stood in his usual spot, waiting for the bus to stop.  As soon as she opened the doors, he turned away really fast and sort of violently and stepped aside.  Then he glared at the driver until she pulled away.  He didn’t have a problem with her yesterday, but he seems to today.  Strange, right?

Wow…that was a long post for me on a Friday.  If you made it this far…thanks…for listening to all my random crap.  Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.  I’ll see you back here next week with my five favorite pictures, the results from my Brazilian hair straightening treatment and the trials and tribulations of finishing the install of our central air!  I’m sure you can’t wait…

Random Musings Friday…

Happy Friday and happy long weekend as well.  I am looking forward to a nice long weekend of relaxing, getting my hair done, a pedicure, going to the Sex and the City movie with mom and SIL and watching the four Netflix movies I have sitting on the coffee table.  J has some crazy ideas about digging and pouring concrete footers for our new deck, but I’m going to do my best to put an end to that talk. 

On to more important matters…I received a new bag last night from Bag Borrow and Steal (I refuse to call it by the new name).  It’s dreamy and I’m totally in L-O-V-E.  Here she is…

Seriously…LOVE.  The last bag was only ok…I didn’t even bother to show it to you.  It ended up being really big and more of a pain in the ass than anything.  This one is the perfect size and has lots of pockets and a zipper…which makes me worry less on the subway that someone is stealing my wallet.  Plus it’s black and white…my fave combination.  I’m seriously considering keeping this one as my very own.  It’s probably an issue that a purse is making me so happy.  I might see a doctor about it.

Now…for this week’s randomness…

  • People on the bus are getting stranger and stranger.  Last week we had the staring woman.  This week, we had the close sitter.  The front of the bus has bench seating along the sides and opposite where I usually sit, there is enough room for three people.  On Wednesday, there was a woman sitting all the way to one side of the bench.  A man got on at the last stop and sat right next to her…leaving open space on the other side of him.  For the rest of the ride he proceeded to slowly creep closer.  By the time she got off, he was sitting right up against her.  God bless her for not getting up and hitting him with her purse and making a scene…the way I would have.  When I asked her about it the next day she said she didn’t want to be rude.  She’s way too nice!
  • My mom got a delivery of food to her house on Wednesday.  It was 98 degrees outside.  The UPS driver apparently didn’t feel like walking up to the door, so he left the box at the end of the driveway, in the blaring sun.  My grandfather discovered it hours later, but it was really heavy and he couldn’t carry it into the house.  So it sat in the sun some more.  By the time my mom arrived home, everything chocolate in the box was melted…to the consistency of soup.  She called the company to complain and ask them to replace the melted items.  They told her to put all the melted items into a pot, mix together and put them in the fridge to make one big, giant candy bar.  Now, these were not a lot of items of the same flavor.  They were all very different.  My mom was grossed out by the suggestion and is waiting for a call back from a supervisor. 
  • I think I have to stop reading gossip sites.  Every time I go to Superficial or Perez or D-listed I just get annoyed.  These people, who are mostly just famous for being famous, used to just slightly bug me, but are now making me truly angry.  If I saw Paris Hilton on the street I think I might throw something at her. 

That’s all the randomness I have for this week.  It’s lunch time and we are going to run out to get pedicures.  I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.  Any big plans for Memorial Day?

Random Musings Friday…

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I don’t think I’ve meant it as much as I do this week…thank God it’s Friday!!!  Work has been kicking my ass for the last two weeks and for an assortment of reasons I’ve also been going to bed really late every night, so I’m exhausted.  I also have absolutely nothing to do tomorrow and plan to spend a good amount of the day lying around on the couch…I’m so excited!!!

Speaking of going to bed late…the reason I was up so late last night is because I was watching the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy.  OMG…was that not a crazy episode?  I was a freaking wreck…literally sitting on the edge of the couch and completely tense the whole time.  What a great season ender…I think the best one on that show so far!  Anyone else watch?

Now for this week’s random musings…

  • I am a huge fan of Rock of Love with Bret Michaels.  I’ve been a huge fan of his since they early days of Poison.  I thought he was pretty dreamy when I was a teenager.  Of course, now I think he’s sort of a douche, but in a very entertaining sort of way.  The thing is, I didn’t realize he was quite so popular.  I mean…he was on the cover of People last week and I think he was on Oprah this week or will be next week.  I always thought he was kind of a D-lister and now it’s like his brain hemorrhage caused him to become this major celebrity.  Or am I wrong and people loved him before this? 
  • Last night I checked the answering machine to find a message from the hospital calling to schedule J’s procedure.  The problem is that J failed to mention that he was having a procedure done.  In fact, he failed to mention that he’d even gone to the doctor.  This was all news to me.  To make things even more fun, he wasn’t home when I got the message and I had to wait two hours for him to come home and tell me what the hell was going on.  He’s lucky I didn’t kill him when he walked in the door.  Turns out it’s totally minor and something that I’ve been asking him to take care of.  He said he was going to tell me once he scheduled the appointment.  I still wanted to kill him for making me worry, but I was happy he was finally taking action.
  • My friend’s husband bought himself an Audi a few months back and that car is his baby.  He parks in two spots in the parking lot of their apartment building and he always parks in the furthest spot so he can be away from all other cars.  Well, the parking lot in their building has two levels and the other night another tenant was drunk and drove his car off the top level and right ON TOP of the Audi.  The good news is that the doors are still free of dings and scratches.  Plus, the car is now a convertible!
  • A woman on the bus stared at me during the whole trip this morning.  I was chatting with the driver and another passenger, as I do most mornings.  This woman who rarely takes the bus got on, sat right across from me and started staring.  I don’t know if I offended her with my chatting or what.  I am wearing a new necklace from Daisy and Elm so maybe she was just overwhelmed with the sheer beauty of it and couldn’t tear her eyes away.  I’m leaning more towards her being a freak though.
  • So excited for the Lost finale this weekend.  I watched the last two episodes yesterday and I cannot wait to find out how it is all going to end.  At the same time I’m so sad to see it go.  I’m going to have to find a new show to obsess over next season…any suggestions?

That’s it for me this week.  I’m going to get to work and hopefully the day will fly by and I’ll be on the train home before I even know it!  I wish everyone a happy and relaxing weekend!