You all seemed to love my last glimpse into what life in my house sounded like, so I thought I’d give you some more.
The other night we were watching Criminal Minds…a show about serial killers. There were three girls locked in a room, being starved by a killer…
Me: Can’t they drink their urine?
Me: You know…because he’s not giving them food or water.
J: …shakes his head…
Me: What? Isn’t that what happens when people get lost at sea? They drink their urine?
J: You aren’t allowed to speak for the rest of the night.
Me: Why? Is that not a valid suggestion? Tell me why it’s not a valid suggestion?
J: You are an idiot sometimes.
Me: But why is that not a valid suggestion? I mean, it will keep them from dehydrating.
J comes into the bedroom holding a box…
Me: What’s that?
J: It’s something that is none of your business.
Me: Is it a toy that I can play with?
J: It’s a box of none of your business.
Me: Funny…because it looks like a clock.
J: That’s right…it’s a clock…to tell me when it’s time for you to stop being so nosy.
Me: Why did you get a clock?
J: I just told you.
Me: No I mean, did someone give you a clock? Was it a gift?
J: What’s wrong? Jealous that I got a shitty clock and you didn’t?
Me: Yup, so jealous.
J: No one ever gave you a clock.
Me: You bought me a watch.
J: Not the same. (J walks over to the dresser with the shitty clock.)
Me: What the hell are you doing with that shitty clock? You aren’t going to put that shitty clock in here are you.
J: Yes, so you know when it’s time for you to stop being so nosy.
At lunch after my aunt’s funeral…we were talking to my brother and sister-in-law about names…
J: Didn’t people used to name their kids after the apostles?
Me: Here we go again with the apostles…
Brother: What do you mean?
Me: I mean that J’s got a thing about the apostles.
J: What were the names of the apostles.
Me: Really, you can’t just let it go?
J: (ignoring me) Matthew, Mark…
Me: John, Paul, George, Ringo…
Brother and SIL: (snickering)
J: No seriously…Matthew, Mark, Luke…
Me: No seriously yourself…every time we go to a funeral or other church related event it’s always “What were the names of the apostles?” and you never remember and you drive everyone nuts.
J: You don’t remember either.
Me: True, but I don’t bring it up…give me that phone…I’m going to look it up…
J: There was a Bartholemew, a Matthias, a Tomias…
Me: Tomias??? Now you are really reaching. (reading from a website) Mark and Luke were not apostles. Also, no Tomias, but that’s not a shock because you made that up. Oh, and Matthias? He only became an apostle after Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus. (I read off the names of the apostles)
J: That’s not right…
Me: Of course it’s right…it’s right here…look…
SIL: Did you both go to Catholic school?
Me: What’s your point? (to J) Can we stop with the apostles now?
J: Fine…you are no fun.
There you have it. We are like two idiots sometimes.