Good morning and happy Friday! Another week gone and it’s already February. Although, here in NY it feels more like May. It was actually 60 degrees here on Wednesday. In February! That never happens. I really like the winter and I wouldn’t mind a snowstorm or two…but I’m also really loving 60 degrees in February.
Here’s what else happened this week…
- We became a 2 car household again! We’ve only had one car for about three years now and recently it’s become more and more of a pain. Especially since that one car was an SUV that gets terrible gas mileage. So we added a second car to our lives…a Volkswagen Jetta.
Isn’t she pretty? I have yet to name her, but so far I’m leaning toward Stella. However, I’m open to any and all suggestions.
- As I’ve said before, the car buying process is one that I loathe . I can’t stand the bullshit they try to sell you and the haggling process in such a pain. But what I really couldn’t stand this time was the one salesman who repeatedly called me “Honey” and “Sweetie”. The only thing that annoys me more is being called “Baby”. I didn’t even try to negotiate with him…he was far too irritating. I just took my business elsewhere. It really amazes me that people still think they can get away with stuff like that.
- I work with someone whose first response to any request is always no. Doesn’t matter what you ask for…the answer is going to be no. Often, after a further discussion, she will relent and agree to your request or she’ll find some kind of compromise, but by then the damage is done, everyone is upset and she’s created ill will. I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why she insists on doing business this way. I just keep hoping she’ll figure it out and change her ways…but I think she’s probably a lost cause.
- And the quote of the week once again goes to J. We were watching TV the other night and J said something that led me to believe that he was interested in having sex…which, for many reasons, was the very last thing on my mind at that moment. So I asked him if he did, in fact, want to have sex. His response…”No…you just said how tired you are…you’d just be phoning it in.” Which was totally true. And that, my friends, is what happens when you’ve been together for 11 years.
Now…it’s your turn. What are your random musings for the week? Grab the button and link up below…
I had a couple of different post planned today…all half done and sitting in my drafts folder. However, between not being able to fall asleep and then J waking up to use the bathroom at 4AM and Sofie thinking that meant it was play time…well, I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep and I’m having a big problem stringing thoughts together to form coherent sentences.
So instead of rambling in a way that makes no sense…I decided to share with you a conversation that had me laughing long after it was over…
J: You bought mushy bananas.
Me: I did not…they got mushy because you let them sit there for a week.
J: It hasn’t been a week.
Me: I bought them last Wednesday…it’s been a week.
J: Yeah, but they were green…they went from green to brown.
Me: They were ripe though…even though the skin was greenish.
J: But you can’t eat green bananas.
Me: Yes you can.
J: But in cartoons bananas are always yellow.
Me: Yes, but in actual life you can eat green bananas.
J: You know what else I want to know…how do monkey in cartoons always just squeeze the bottom of the banana and it shoots right out? If I squeeze the bottom of the banana all I get is a mushy banana.
Me: Really? Is that a serious question?
J: I don’t really like bananas.
Me: Then why did you make me buy them.
J: I need the potassium.
Me: I can get you potassium supplements.
J: Did you just say banana supplements?
Me: No…potassium supplements. What’s a banana supplement?
J: I don’t know…which is why I was asking.
Me: How many bananas did you eat?
J: Just one. I only had one with me. I’ll eat the rest when I get home.
Me: You’re going to eat four bananas when you get home?
J: Potentially. I think I’m going to call it Bananapalooza.
J: Don’t you think? Bananafest just sounded too common. This is going to be a much bigger deal.
This is what we talk about when J calls me at work.
This morning, when I told J I was going to use this for today’s post, he just smiled. He claims to hate being the subject of blog posts, but I swear, I think he secretly loves it and purposely starts these inane conversations just so I will talk about him.
Sometimes he really does make me laugh.
To really understand and appreciate the story I’m going to tell you, you need to know two things…
#1 – The first weekend we owned our house, we were there, doing some minor repairs. J noticed that the downspout on the gutter was loose, but he needed a ladder to fix it. Since this was our first weekend in the house and our previous home was an apartment, we didn’t have a ladder. But J noticed that the guy in the house diagonally across from us had several ladders on the side of his house. J went over there and knocked on the door to ask to borrow a ladder. The guy who lives there opened the door a crack, listened to J’s request, shouted “no” and slammed the door. Upon talking to other neighbors, we found out that the guy is really strange and unfriendly and that he collects soda cans and keeps them in his back shed…which is gross because it attracts mice and rats. J has decided that the guy is a serial killer and said that when the police discover it and the news comes and all the other neighbors are saying that they are shocked and he was such a quiet guy, J’s going to say “I always knew he was a serial killer…ever since the first day I met him.”
#2 – We have a tree in front of our house that we want taken down. It’s right at the corner of the property, next to the street and according to the city, even though it’s on our property, we aren’t allowed to touch it. However, it’s half dead, it has millions of holes in it from carpenter ants and the roots have destroyed one half of our lawn and our front walkway and we are concerned they are starting to damage the foundation of the house. We have been petitioning the city to take the tree down since before we even closed on the house and they refuse, despite the arborist’s report we have that says the tree is in danger of falling down. If it does fall, it’s going to take out our car, our neighbor’s car, all the power lines in the neighborhood and anyone who happens to be standing in the area. We even contacted the power company, but there’s nothing they can do if the city refuses.
So…yesterday when I came home from work, J was on a ladder next to the tree. He had noticed several squirrels running up the tree and disappearing. When he went up the ladder to take a better look, he found that the inside of the tree is mostly hollow and rotted and now we are really concerned about it falling down. We decided to file yet another request with the city to have the tree taken down. We started discussing what to tell them to try to convince them this time…
Warning: some rather inappropriate language to follow…
J: (said with the enthusiasm of a six-year-old waiting for the ice cream truck) Yo, you know what you should tell them??? (I think he was actually bouncing up at down at this point.) Tell them that when the tree falls and the news comes here I’m going to be all like “Dude…I totally knew the tree was going to fall and I told the city this was going to happen for THREE AND A HALF YEARS!!! But they didn’t want to listen to me.”
S: Should I say “dude”?
J: Yeah. And tell them that I’m going to say “And that son of a bitch Santucci? Yeah, that guy didn’t maintain the property at all. And that fucker did all kinds of improvements to this house without permits and he did them badly…and when we told the city about it they basically told us to suck it. ”
S: Ok, I’ll tell them.
J: OOOOH! And tell them that I’m going to say “The city has their head up their ass and they don’t know what the fuck they are doing.”
S: And you are going to tell all this to the news?
S: And the news will be here because the tree is going to fall?
J: Yeah and it’s going to take out the power to the whole neighborhood and I’m going to tell them all about. OH…and then I’m going to be like “That guy across the street? (pointing in the direction of the guy’s house) Yeah…that motherfucker is a serial killer! BOO-YAH!”
S: Boo-yah indeed.
I’ll be sure to let you all know when this interview will be appearing on the news.
Oh…and when I called the city this morning to file the request…I didn’t tell them any of that. I just said the tree was rotten.
Miss me? Sorry about being MIA for a few days. I’m having a houseguest beginning on Friday and it’s been hectic trying to finish everything at work in preparation for being out next week and trying to get the house ready for company. Plus, I’ve spent a lot of time planning an epic week-long adventure in NYC for my houseguest. Who is it? I will reveal that later in the week.
For now…I bring you the latest installment of “Funny Things J Says”…and he’s definitely been on a roll lately. Sometimes I wish I had a camera following us around all day…we would make very entertaining TV…
- The alternator on the car died again…for the third time…a few weeks ago and J’s been trying to fix it. Last time it died, it took my brother…a trained mechanic…a whole day to fix it. Apparently, the location of the alternator makes it particularly difficult to remove. J’s not a trained mechanic…so you can imagine how long it took him to replace. At one particularly frustrated moment J looked at me and said “The next Japanese guy I see is getting punched in the face.” When I pointed out that not every Japanese person had a hand in designing our car he said “Yeah, well the next one I see will just have to take one for the team.”
- We were watching TV the other night and the show that came on after Extreme Couponing was called Strange Sex. The lead in was a guy saying something like “I wasn’t worried when my penis first started to turn black, but eventually the whole thing was black and it fell off.” I said, “Wouldn’t you worry when your penis FIRST started turning black?” J looked at me with a totally straight face and said “Shan, that’s not even funny. Let’s not make jokes about my penis falling off.”
- Our CT neighbors have been doing some sort of work on the front of their house that involves them running a masonry saw. We thought they were just replacing their front steps, but they’ve been working on this project every weekend for three months and they run that damn saw from 8AM until after it’s dark. Yesterday, we were outside all day and the racket was really annoying. At one point, J slid out from under the car, sat up and said “What are they doing over there…building Stonehenge?”
- We were in the car last week, talking about Gabrielle Giffords and I was saying how nice it was that her husband stayed by her bedside, holding her hand. I commented that I didn’t think J would be quite so dedicated. To which he responded “Her husband is going into space? How is that dedicated? He’s getting as far away from her as possible. I might not keep a vigil at your bedside, but at least I’d be on the same planet!”
- When I told J that I was going to write this post about him he said he really hoped I never turned up dead. When I asked why he said “You write so much crap about me on that blog that I’d probably be the number one suspect in your murder…even if I didn’t do it.”
And while this next quote is not from J…it was inspired by him. A few weeks ago, after packing all her belongings into her car for a trip from GA to KY, Allyson sent me the following email…
- My car is completely packed. Can you freaking believe it all fit? It was like the loaves and fishes. And nothing like Judas. Tell J. It had nothing to do with Judas.
I hope I’ve given you some Monday morning giggles. And I promise to have a lot more going on here this week than I have in the past two!
J claims that he doesn’t like when I write about him. However, he often gives me excellent material…so good that it’s like he’s asking for it. The truth is…I think he secretly loves being written about. He’s been giving me an awful lot of good material lately, which I’ve been saving up.
I was going to save this for Friday, but since it’s a particularly gloomy, rainy day here, I decided we could all use a laugh. So, I give to you…the random musings of J…
- A few weeks ago, J had a cold. He wanted medicine, so I gave him a box containing both NyQuil and DayQuil pills. He said “What do you think will happen if I take one NyQuil and one DayQuil? Will I feel like it’s noon?” In the end, we decided against experimentation.
- In the car on the way to Connecticut, J was talking to the dogs. I was mostly ignoring him, until I heard him say “Sadie, you are now on your way from the ghetto to the meadow.” That’s become our CT motto.
- J was eating fries the other night and they looked really good. I reached out to take one and he snatched them away. When I asked why he wasn’t sharing he said “You are on the express train to skinny town, my friend. There are no local stops on that train…and these fries are a local stop in a bad neighborhood.”
- I have a tendency to repeatedly ask the same question if I get an answer that I don’t like. This, of course, drives J nuts. Now…if I do that, he will immediately shout “Asked and answered, your Honor!”. It makes me laugh and then I usually leave him alone.
- Last weekend, I noticed that we had a lot of ant hills in the backyard and I found a few ants in the house. I pointed it out to J and told him he should speak to the lawn guy about it. His alternate suggestion…”maybe we should get an anteater instead.” His rationale? “It would probably cost as much as having the lawn guy take care of it, but this way the girls would have a new friend.” Sadly, anteaters aren’t native to Connecticut.
- And the best for last…J had to go to a dinner on Friday night…which I elected to skip. I picked him up after it was over and we headed to Connecticut. He was a little tipsy when he got in the car and he didn’t shut up the whole ride.
J: (singing) Someone left the cake out in the rain…and I’ll never have that recipe agaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnn!
Me: Really, with the singing?
J: That’s a good song.
Me: No, it’s not.
J: Who sings that song?
Me: A lot of people, but you are probably thinking of Donna Summer.
J: No…I think it’s Eileen someone…Eileen Brennigan.
Me: I think you just made that up.
J: That is a really good song…I’m going to look up Eileen Brennigan…(talking to himself as he types into his phone) someone left the cake out in the rain…
Me: It’s called McArthur Park.
Me: The song…it’s called McArthur Park.
J: No it’s not…it’s called Cake in the Rain.
Me: Ok…fine it’s called Cake in the Rain.
J: Jimmy Webb wrote it…(singing) I don’t think that I can take it, ’cause it took so long to baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake it. Oh look, it’s called McArthur Park.
Me: Yes, I know. Maybe it’s time to stop singing.
J: But it’s a good song.
Me: How was the dinner?
J: Boring. But there was a DJ.
Me: Well, that explains it.
Me: The singing.
J: Someone left the cake out in the rain…I don’t think that I can take it…never agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiin!
Me: Please stop singing.
J: You are just jealous of my fantastic singing voice.
Me: Yes, that must be it.
Since this weekend is Easter, I fully expect there to be talk of the Apostles at some point. I’ll be sure to take good notes!
My favorite part of this post? The anteater. Why? Because it gives me a reason to post one of my favorite pictures ever…
I don’t know why I find that so funny…but it seriously makes me laugh every. single. time.
I’m leaving for my trip to Savannah in two days…and I’m not ready. I have a ton of work to get done and I have a long list of errands to finish before I go…and there are not enough hours in the day. Oh…I have to pack too.
So this is just a quick drop in to say hi and to give you two little snippets of conversations that have happened around my house in the last week or so. I have to run and go reconcile a bunch of credit card bills so I can leave early today. See you tomorrow…
I’m sitting on the bed with the dogs and J is in the other room. I’m looking for Zombieland on the OnDemand channel, but I can’t find it. I finally find it after 10 minutes and start the movie. “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica starts playing.
J: Are you watching Zombieland?
Me: It’s funny and it makes me laugh.
J: I thought you were sleeping.
J: I called your name a bunch of times and you didn’t answer.
Me: What did you say?
J: I said “Shana”, you know, your name.
Me: Oh right…(breaks into hysterical laughter, as if this were the funniest thing ever…I was really tired and that’s what happens when I’m really tired).
J: What’s so funny?
Me: (still laughing)…of course you said my name. I meant what did you want?
J: I wanted to know why you had the OnDemand channel on.
Me: I was looking for Zombieland.
J: Yes, I see that now. I thought you’d fallen asleep.
Me: (laughing even harder…now there are tears) Of course you said my name….hahahahahahahaha (slaps knee)
J: You’re nuts. You know that, right?
Our street is really narrow and if you park cars on both sides you block the street and cars can’t get down the block. The other night I parked the car on the street in front of our house and went inside. Someone in the house across the street pulled up across from me and was sitting in their car. A few minutes later I heard a horn blaring, so I went out and saw that the guy got out of his car and left it there. I went out and moved my car. I was all annoyed. The next day J parked the car in the same place and the same guy did the exact same thing. As he started getting out of the car and locking the door J went over to him…
J: You can’t park your car there.
Guy: But they (meaning the owner of the house) said I could.
J: You can’t park two cars across from each other like this…it blocks the street. You can only park there if there is no car on the other side.
Guy: But they said I could park here.
J: What part of this are you not understanding? The street is too narrow…you can’t park cars on both sides…because then other cars cannot get by.
Guy: But they said…
J: Yeah, I get it…they said you could park here. Let me say this again…slowly…you cannot park there if my car is parked here…it blocks the street…the street is too narrow. You can only park there if no one is parked on this side. You did this yesterday and my girlfriend had to come out and move the car. She was pissed and you don’t want to be on her bad side.
Guy: So where should I park?
J: I don’t care…just not here.