What I learned at the grocery store…

Who knew going grocery shopping for Thanksgiving dinner could be educational?  Here’s what I learned last night while collecting the ingredients for our feast…

  • You are not the only person who waits until the last minute to plan a menu and shop for food.  Expect the grocery store to be packed…at 9pm on Tuesday night.
  • The lines and signs in a grocery store parking lot are merely suggestions and you can really drive and park wherever you want.
  • When you wait until the last minute you will have to go to two different stores to get everything on your list because one store will be out of at least three different items. 
  • It’s impossible to get people to move using telepathy – you know, like the guy who blocked access to the turkeys with his cart while he chatted on his phone and drank coffee.  Staring at him while thinking “Move asshole!” will do nothing.
  • If you are going ask the person on the phone to move you are going to have to yell…otherwise they won’t hear you over their own self-importance.
  • Pre-cut vegetables are more expensive, but not having to peel and cut up potatoes is so worth the extra money.
  • People will eat anything if there is a “free sample” sign next to it…even if there is no sign indicating what it is.  This seems to be especially true of cheese and baked goods.
  • It is possible for two grown women to get into a shouting match over a bag of marshmallows. 
  • It’s amusing to watch two grown women get into a shouting match over a bag of marshmallows. 
  • If you strike up a conversation with the person in line ahead of you, you might get yourself invited to Thanksgiving dinner. 
  • If the surly teenager at the register is tired and wants to go home, he will ignore you for five minutes while refilling his bags and talking to his friend at the next register.  If this happens, it’s completely acceptable to throw a 14-pound turkey at him. 
  • If you shop with a boy you will end up with random things in your cart that were not on your list.
  • If you shop alone you will spend far less money than if you shop with a boy.
  • Finding room in the refrigerator for all your newly acquired groceries might require an advanced degree in engineering. 

As you can see, my shopping trip was…eventful.  Want to know what was even better?  When we got home and went to brine the turkey only to find it didn’t fit in any of our cookware.  That was a good time.  Also, when J finally managed to get the turkey into a pot and covered in brine and halfway to the fridge…and then spilled the water…the nasty turkey water…all over the floor and the inside of the fridge.  What was awesome. 

Actually…the very best part was when J suggested we cook and eat the turkey neck.  Turkey grosses me out.  Eating things like necks and feet and tongues grosses me out even more.  So turkey neck?  Um, no.  I gagged right there and immediately threw that disgusting thing in the trash.  I’m gagging now just thinking about it. 

So who else is cooking for Thanksgiving?  Are you going to use the neck and giblets of the turkey?  Have you done your shopping?