On Thursday night, J went on and on about how busy he was at work and how much he had to get done.  He said he had to get up super early and get to the office by 7AM or he’d never be able to finish all his work.  He was going to be so busy that he wasn’t even going to be able to eat lunch.

So, of course, I got a phone call from him at 10AM that had absolutely nothing to do with work…

Me: Hello?
J: I think I’m going to start juicing.
Me: Like…taking steroids???
J: (sigh)  No, not taking steroids.  Making fresh juice at home.
Me:  Oh…yeah, you taking steroids didn’t sound right.  Why are you going to make juice?
J: I just read an article that if you don’t eat breakfast you should have juice instead.

Just an aside here…when J starts a sentence with “I just read an article…” nothing good ever follows.  The most famous example of this was the master cleanse debacle where I ended up with a refrigerator full of lemons and maple syrup.

Me: I thought you were super busy at work…how do you have time to read articles about juice?  And isn’t it just easier to eat some toast or something?  Maybe a Pop Tart…
J: No…juice is really good for you.  But only vegetable juice and only freshly squeezed.
Me: And you are going to buy a juicer and make this juice every morning?  Why do I not believe that?
J: I will.  I looked up all these recipes online for things like carrots with celery, kale and apples.

At this point J rambled on about the health benefits of fresh vegetable juice…but I tuned him out and started reading TMZ.

J: So I’ll get the juicer and you can try this next week and tell me how it is.
Me:  OK…wait, what?  You want ME to drink that crap???
J:  Yeah.  I’ll buy a juicer and some kale…we have carrots and celery.
Me: Um…no thanks.  Just the thought of that makes me want to vomit.
J: Come on…take one for the team.
Me:  No.  You walk past the Grand Central Market every day.  Can’t you just go in there and have them make you juice?
J: You have to make it at home so you know what’s in it.  (This is what he says about pretty much all food.)
Me: Well…I want nothing to do with this experiment.  I give this about as long as the master cleanse.  (About three hours…)
J:  No…this will be different.  You know I don’t like cayenne pepper.
Me: Oh…but you like kale?
J:  Probably.
Me:  Yeah, probably not.  Leave me out of this little scheme.
J:  You are so mean to me.
Me:  Yup…that’s me…mean.

If I was a betting woman…I would lay down a million dollars that he goes out, buys a juicer and all the ingredients to make juice and then he takes two sips, declares it gross and puts the juicer in the back of the pantry, never to be seen again.  And I will be left with a fridge full of kale.  I can’t wait.


  1. BWHAHAHAHA. OH J. You are SO pretty. Let me save you the trouble. You can borrow our juicer to give it a test run. Oh wait…it’s at the townhouse…9 hours away. Because we use it SO often. Save your cash and get a waffle iron. Because THAT? Is in my kitchen 10′ away right this very second.

  2. Oh, man… I love Kale, I love veggies in general, but I like them in a semi-natural state, not mushed all to hell and slippery. *shudder*

    I’m with Allyson. Get the waffle maker and make some whole wheat waffles, top them with fresh fruit and be happy.

  3. Kathleen says:

    Cant wait to hear how it goes!! HahahAha

  4. He can have the juicer Dan asked for and got for Christmas. Showroom condition, still in box. What is it with boys and liquid food?

  5. 1. 1000 apologies for my recent commenting neglect. I have been reading just not commenting – like a slacker I know. Sorry.
    2. As you know I love me the juice. And it is super good for you. And it is a great breakfast. And there are 1000 other benefits – like getting your full daily serving of fruits and vegetables all in one serving.
    3. Before you think I’m a foolish crazy person and actually think this is going to work out the way J plans it I have this to say – don’t get a juicer. If you are going to spend the money (or someone in your household is) I would get a super high-power blender instead. My reasons are 3 fold:
    3.1 – You get the whole fruit/vege which means all the fibre = better than just the sugary juice
    3.2 – You can add seeds into your juice so it actually keeps you feeling full AND you can add dates into your juice (I started out with 4-5 and am now down to 2-3) to sweeten your juice and make it palitable and ease your taste buds into this new crazy fad.
    3.3 – And this is probably the MOST important – when J realizes that Juice is FAR too healthy tasting for his taste (the Boy once told me my juice tasted like freshly mowed lawn – I guess not in a good way??) you will be left not with a $$$ juicer that only does one obsolete function – but a new blender that you can make way more yummy things with, like banana soft serve ice cream, smoothies and all the rest of your food processing needs.
    4. I have a Blendtec.
    5. I love it.
    6. Or just get the waffle iron. It’s really up to you. :)

  6. LMAO!!! I love your conversations :)

    I have to tell you (and don’t laugh) but I’m saving up my pennies for a pretty awesome juicer. I really want to start making all the pretty green juices J describes above and I would also love to make wheatgrass since buying shots at the health food store always costs an arm and a leg. Keep us posted; I’d love to know what he thinks of the juices (I promise; they’re really not that bad!)

  7. Hahahaha!!!! Let me know when you’re stocked full of kale! I have an excellent recipe for kale chips. (THOSE are delicious. Nature’s bacon, I say!)

Speak Your Mind