J gave me a massage gift certificate for Christmas and on Thursday night I had an appointment for a massage…a two hour deep tissue massage. I’ve been having a lot of back pain and I was really looking forward to it.
It was the least relaxing…but probably most theraputic…massage I’ve ever had. I felt so bad for the therapist. I practically jumped off the table ten times. Pretty much every place she touched was tight and sore and knotted. She said my back muscles were like ropes and I was holding onto stress and tension in every muscle of my body.
By the end of the two hours, my shoulders were a few inches below my ears. My spine was a little longer. The horrendous pain in my hip was downgraded to just bad. I felt much better. And this week…I get to do it all over again.
I’m so stressed out that I need hours of massage therapy to make me feel like a normal person again. That’s not right.
So I made a decision while I was laying on that table, getting the stress kneaded out of my body…a decision that nothing is worth that kind of pain. I have to stop worrying about every little thing. If I miss the train in the morning there will always be another one. If something at work goes wrong it can always be fixed. If things don’t get finished the way I want or expect them to…well, tomorrow is another day and it will all get done eventually. It will all get fixed. It will all be ok.
For the past few days, I’ve been trying to stay aware of how tense my muscles are and I’ve been actively reminding myself to relax. It’s amazing how many times a day I have to consciously relax my shoulders and remind myself to take deeps breaths.
I think I do a pretty good job of focusing on the bright side and finding the joy in life. Now I have to work on not worrying about things over which I have no control. I have to work on letting go of the stress…especially other people’s stress. And I have to focus on relaxing.
So far, so good. I didn’t look at my Blackberry all weekend. Last night, I put my computer away and just relaxed to a few episodes of Glee instead of trying to multi-task. And I got a few nights of really good sleep. It’s not easy to relax and it’s not easy to just let go of the stress and the worry…but I’m getting better at it every day. Hopefully, when this week’s massage rolls around I’ll want to jump off the table far less often.