Stream of Consciousness Sunday…the control freak edition…


I am a control freak.  I’ve always been a control freak.  Sometimes I try to deny it…but lately my control freak tendencies have gotten worse.  The other day, J mentioned that he’s going to be on vacation for two weeks after Thanksgiving and he’s going to spend the time in CT, installing molding and building bookshelves and painting.  At hearing this news, I had a physical reaction.  My heart started beating faster and I palms started to sweat.  What did he mean he was going to put up molding WITHOUT ME?????  There is no way I can take those days off work…he’s going to be unsupervised.  What if he messes it up???  What if I hate it???

Seriously…this was pretty much the worst news I’d gotten all week…you know, except for what’s going on with my dad.

Later on the same day, we decided to hang new drapes in the den.  Two minutes into the project, we started arguing.  J asked that I just step back and give him control of the situation for a few minutes.  I did…I stopped giving orders and I let him be in charge.  I stood quietly by, handing him tools and checking the level when he asked me to…and doing my absolute best to hold my tongue.  It was almost painful.

On the second bracket, J ran into trouble…the molly bolts weren’t holding.  I really wanted to jump in and help…but I stayed quiet and let him work out his next step.  He tried several other anchors we had and finally found one that seemed to be working…until he overtightened it and pulled the whole thing right through the wall.  I can’t tell you how difficult it was for me not to scream “I told you so!!!”

We decided to hang the drapes another day…after the hole in the wall is repaired.  If I get my way…I will just hang them on a day when J is out…and I am pretty sure I won’t end up with a giant hole in the wall.  But I don’t know how I’m going to handle being at work for two weeks while he’s home, cutting and nailing and sanding and painting all on his own.  I’m going to be a basket case…and I’m probably going to have a really unproductive week at work.

I really have to work on letting go more.


This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

1. Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
2. Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
3. Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
4. Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
5. Link up your post with all.things.fadra.
Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


  1. I am a control freak about some things but not about other. In my experiecne once you start letting go a bit it gets a bit easier to let go the next time.

  2. Popping in for SOC

    I could have written this post word for word. It’s so had to give up control in my house, even down to loading and unloading the dishwasher.

  3. You need to learn to chill. Notice I didn’t say you need to chill? You need to LEARN to chill. It used to make me insane when my husband would do things wrong. And then I realized it’s not that big of a deal. Everything can be replaced. My advice is two things:

    1. Create a division of labor. If you just can’t tolerate the way he paints, just say “I’d like to be in charge of painting.”

    2. Let him do it and make mistakes. One of the most important things to a man is their sense of ego. I’m sure he would like to make you proud one day.

  4. I have to learn how to let go of control, too, so I understand where you’re coming from. It’s getting better, but it really does drive folks crazy, so I’m really making an effort to release and let go, and yes, chill.

  5. Ha, I could have written this about 6 months ago … since then I learnt to stand back SOME of the time. I choose my battles – yes, most of the time I can do it better but is it ALWAYS that important to get stressed over? Usually not, and if it is, well, I make sure I do it by myself.

    I do think it’s a quality but channel it!

  6. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have had to let go. I’ve found the harder I try to control things, the less control I have over myself. It still isn’t easy letting go though! Visiting from SOC.

  7. Kudos to you for letting him do his thing – even if it didn’t turn out exactly as he planned. I have been doing it for years even though I don’t always agree with how my hubby does things,he’s actually very handy. You will survive!

  8. It’s hard, isn’t it…the letting go of control thing? For the health of my marriage though, sometimes it’s better if I just walk out of the room and let Hubs do it. Whatever it is.

  9. In this way, we are completely different. While I understand and can respect the fact that you’re far more “hands on,” I think I can handle a guy repairing and fixing and painting if it means I can admire the handiwork after. But I also totally get your whole wanting to be in control thing, too.

    I’m sure he’d call you along the way if he ran into any problems, no?

  10. Are we related? I literally have ISSUES letting things go and letting other people have control. I guess it’s just my nature that bites me sometimes.

  11. I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to cooking. I hate it when people are in my space, telling me what to do, handing out unwanted advice and almost ruining a “perfect” meal. I think most people have learned this and stay out of my kitchen when I’m cooking.

    We need to calm down though. After all, we can always do it over, right? (Even though it’s MADDENING!!! Hahaha!)

  12. I am such a control freak, too. So much so that if a situation arises where I feel that I have no control over, I break out in hives.
    Thankfully that doesn’t happen often, because I like to think I have far more power than I do…

  13. I totally understand this. I don’t like my husband to do anything around the house because he always seems to f**k it up. Huge mistakes, holes, wrong paint color, ceiling fan hanging too low. Argh.
    I feel you and I don’t have any advice for you.

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