It was the perfect amount of reaction…

J thinks I overreact to things.  He’s wrong…I never overreact.  I always react exactly enough. 

Something happened over the weekend and we disagree about my level of reaction.  So like with all of our great debates…I’m going to leave it to you all to tell me who’s right. 

Here’s what happened…

J went out with friends from work on Friday night.  He assured me he would not disappear (as he is apt to do) and that he would be home at a reasonable hour. 

Shockingly, he came home after midnight.  And he was way drunk…which was annoying.

As one might expect, I was angry.  Well…angry might not be accurate.  I was furious.  I refused to speak to him at all…well, except when I was yelling at him for being such an ass. 

When he finally sobered up…the next morning…and realized what an ass he’d been the day before, he apologized profusely.  I told him that to make it up to me he was going to take me out on a date.  We never go out unless we are going to a family function and I decided that if he could go out with his friends, he could take me out too.  He agreed and our date was set for Sunday night. 

I wasn’t expecting anything fancy.  Burgers or pizza or something would have been fine.  I just wanted us to leave the house together and eat a meal away from the television.  I don’t think I was asking much.

So yesterday morning when J woke up, we were sitting at the table and I said “Where do you want to go for dinner tonight?”  I knew where I wanted to go, but I was willing to negotiate. 

His response…in a grumpy tone…was “I don’t care where we go…I don’t even want to go…so you decide.” 

And this is where J claims I began to overreact.  Because I completely lost my shit.  I yelled…a lot.  I called him an inconsiderate asshole and said that he clearly doesn’t care at all about my feelings.  Then I cried and stopped speaking to him for the rest of the afternoon.  I took my anger out on my closet…which I completely emptied and sorted through.  (At least my anger led to something productive!)

I couldn’t believe that he would have the nerve to tell me that he didn’t want to go out to dinner with me…and to say it in such a rude way.  Even if he didn’t want to go, he should have kept his mouth shut and just sucked it up to make me happy.  After all…he always wants to go when his friends call.  I was fuming at the thought that he cared more about hanging out with his friends than he did about hanging out with me.

At 6:30, J came in and asked where I wanted to go to dinner.  I informed him that I would not be going out to dinner with him…nor would I be cooking him dinner at home.  He was on his own until he became less of a jerk.  He kept at it until I told him to leave me the hell alone (and I may or may not have mumbled that I hated him)…and then he ate leftover meatloaf by himself. 

Later on he apologized and re-scheduled our date for Wednesday night…but he maintains that I completely overreacted to the situation.  I say that he was inconsiderate and he hurt my feelings and I reacted just enough. 

And now I leave it up to you.  Was I overreacting?  Or was he a thoughtless ass who couldn’t even pretend he wanted to go out to dinner and spend a little time with me?  I will live with what you say and if you tell me I was wrong I will apologize…even though I really hate apologizing.


  1. Tough call, really.

    I mean, he did agree to it the day before and to act like an ass (because, yes, that part definitely rings true) the next would call for some sort of response. And, you know, if this was the first time ever something like this had happened, I might be inclined to say you over-did it a bit.

    But! If taken into context of just what I remember from past entries and the general demeanor that he’s portrayed with over here… no chance in hell did you overreact, I’d say it was long overdue!

    I’d hazard a guess that Sunday’s blow-up had more to do with his continued insensitivity than just a single incident and, well, some guys tend to put the past out of their mind and not see the big picture and all the little steps that go into a big blow-up. And we, for our part, store up those slights until we’ve got a big ball of anger going.

    This would be a great example for a she said/he said if you ever felt like letting him post his side of things.

  2. I’m not much of a screamer but if I were in your shoes there would have been an extended “silent treatment” with a healthy dose of seething. And yeah, there would definitely be no dinner.
    So count me in the “not over-reacting” column (and that’s not just because we’re chicks and have to stick together – I would totally call you out if you were over-reacting) and tell J that dinner on Wednesday better be good!

  3. I’m with fojoy. Not a yeller. But definitely a crier. And I agree with Scraps – J is probably calling it an over reaction because if it was just about a dinner, screaming is an overreaction. But we all know it’s not about the dinner. It’s about your perception of who he would rather spend his time with. Who he will rally through the “I don’t really feel like going” feelings (in this case the friends) and who he won’t… you it seems. And because we as girls know that that’s the real issue – not an overreaction at all – but I would suggest it’s only fair that you let him know what you’re upset about. I know you did, but in my experience the boys need reminding a few times before the pretend to get it. Crossing my fingers that Wednesday is awesome!

  4. I vote that you did not over-react. I probably would have cried and I definitely would have been mad and stopped talking to him. He better make Wednesday good.

  5. I don’t think you overreacted at all. You were upset with him for his behavior Friday night and he willingly agreed to make it up to you with a date night. If that’s the case, then saying he doesn’t want to go anyway on the day of doesn’t do anything but make YOU feel bad, which is completely unfair. He owes you for his actions. But instead, he’s turning the blame on you (which could also mean that he realizes how in the wrong he actually is in this case).

    Ahh, boys. Anyway, I hope he makes it up to you and you have a WONDERFUL date night planned :) I’m sure that you will.

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