But what color is the dress???

Last night we were watching The Dilemma and J was in the mood to be a pain in the ass.  And so he was.  It went something like this…

During one of Winona Ryder’s first scenes in the movie…

J: Is that Winona Ryder?
Me: Yes.
J: She doesn’t look so good.
Me: No, she doesn’t.
J: She didn’t age well.  She’s looking really old.  (Note – J says this all the time and it drives me crazy.)
Me: Well…we’re all getting older.
J: Man, she looks really old…like ancient.
Me: She doesn’t look that bad.  That hairdo isn’t flattering though.
J: Yeah…plus she’s really freaking old.  How old is she anyway?
Me: Your age. 
J: Oh.
Me: Exactly.  Shut up.

During a scene where Vince Vaughn’s character confronts Winona Ryder’s character…

J: Who bought a dress?
Me: Her sister.
J: Who’s sister?
Me: Geneva’s sister.
J: She has a sister?
Me: Apparently.
J: Where is she?
Me: Geneva is texting her.
J: Texting who?
Me: Ronny thought she was texting her boyfriend, but she’s texting her sister.
J: Whose sister?
Me: Geneva’s sister.
J: But who bought a dress?
Me: Her sister.
J: Who is her sister?
Me: Her sister is not the point.  The point is that she wasn’t texting her boyfriend…she was texting her sister.
J: What does the dress look like?
Me: Shut up.

When the movie was almost over…

J: Can you make me a root beer float and then scratch my leg so I can fall asleep?
Me: No.
Me: One or the other. 
J: Fine…root beer float…because you don’t scratch very well…you are a bad scratcher.
…So I make him the root beer float…
…And a few minutes later…
J: Will you scratch now?
Me: No.  You just told me I am a bad scratcher.
J: Yes…but you can practice right now and then you can get better.
Me: No thanks.
J: I’m just looking out for you…trying to make you the very best you can be.
Me: I appreciate that…but I’m still not scratching.
J: I was just kidding…you are the best scratcher ever.
Me: Flattery will get you no where. 
J: I took a shot. 
Me: Go to sleep.

And he did…thank God! 

At least he gives me lots of practice for dealing with toddlers so I’ll be ready!


Oh…And make sure you stop by 400 Wake-ups today and check out part 2 of Ally’s recap of her trip.


  1. Scratch my leg? To fall asleep? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before!

  2. These posts always crack me up!!!

    Mike won’t usually ask me questions about something I’m watching but he will start a discussion with me right when I’m into a show so I’ve started pausing the show to talk to him. Otherwise I get annoyed and it’s really not fair of me to rude to him. Sure he could have picked a better time but at least I can pause the show and come back. He does the same to me… thank god for technology!

    His questions sound like “Who’s on first?” haha

  3. p.s. if he thinks Winona looks bad in that movie – tell him to watch Star Trek! I don’t think they had to make her up too much to be an old spok mother.

  4. J is so remarkably random that no one would believe that he actually says these things. But he totally does!! I know it makes you crazysauce but it’s very entertaining for the rest of us. And you handle it very well. I think you should train the girls how to scratch J’s leg and see how he likes that. Although…their nails are much longer than yours so that may end in a trip to the ER at 1 AM. On second thought….just buy him a back scratcher and let him do it himself.

    You know me…is The Dilemma worth adding to my queue? (I’m always amazed when I am able to spell that word correctly on the first try)

  5. It’s a man thing. Kelsey wants me to scratch his back ALL the time. He’ll say, “please will you scratch my legs and back so I can relax?” and the whole time I’m thinking, who is going to scratch my legs tonight? Oh that’s right NOBODY. Youll have practice, but then when you have a toddler, you’ll have two, really (him and your baby)

  6. Heehee – I think Wilzie and I had the exact same discussion about me scratching his head!

  7. Ah, the J and Shana comedy hour is back. I think you were nice enough to make the root beer float. No scratching necessary.

  8. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I love the Shana/J’isms. These convos in particular are hysterical. Thank you :)

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