For several reasons, J has been in CT all week and I’ve been in NY with the dogs. I did see him briefly on Monday…I literally walked in the door while he was walking out and we had a quick peck as we passed each other. I also saw him for a few minutes on Tuesday when he came to NY to pick up some furniture we wanted to move into the CT house. But for the most part, I’ve been living like a single gal all week.
And it’s been really nice.
Does saying that make me a terrible person? Well, let me explain…
If J’s not home when I get home from work, the house is quiet. The dogs bark at me, but the TV is off. No one is laying on the couch in their underwear, asking me what’s for dinner even though they’ve already been home for two hours and are perfectly capable of making their own dinner. There is no mess in the kitchen or the living room or the bedroom and everything is just as I left it in the morning. There is no one waiting for me with an agenda and expecting me to move furniture or help with some project the second I walk in the door. The house is peaceful and I can sit on the couch for a few minutes and relax. I can watch Dancing with the Stars and Grey’s Anatomy in their entirety without anyone whining about what crappy shows they are and asking me to turn them off ever five seconds. I can spend an entire evening reading blogs and tweets and Facebook updates without feeling guilty that I’m neglecting J. And the very best part…when I clean something, it stays clean…because there is not a boy following me around, ready to make a mess again.
Sometimes I miss being single. I miss being able to do what I want without having to consider someone else’s needs and wants or being able to make plans without having to consider someone else’s schedule. I miss the days when I didn’t have to worry about the DVR erasing Private Practice to tape yet another episode of This Old House or when the only dirty socks on the floor were mine. I miss the days when buying art to hang over the couch was a simple thing that didn’t require a three day negotiation and a mediator. I miss not being responsible for anyone but myself.
I had that this week and it was a very nice three days.
But I’m ready for J to be home now. I’m ready to come home to someone waiting to greet me…even if that means coming home to a messy house. I’m ready to have someone to watch TV with, even if that means Dancing and Grey’s have to wait. I’m ready to not eat dinner alone…because eating dinner alone is the worst. I’m ready to have someone to talk to without having to worry about dropped calls. I’m ready to stop being psuedo-single and I don’t even care about the dirty socks that will come along with it.
But, like Carrie and Mr. Big in the second Sex and the City movie, I think we might be on to something. It’s nice to take a little break every now and then. It’s nice to have a few days to yourself. Because all the little things that annoy you on a daily basis matter less and less when you miss someone. I have a feeling I will be too happy to see J tonight to nag him about picking up his socks. I don’t even think I’ll mind when he can’t decide what he wants for dinner and takes a half hour to run through every option. I don’t think I’d want to do this every week and eventually we are going to rent out the NY house, so this won’t even be an option. But right now, I’m going to enjoy the nights we do get to spend apart and hope that they make the nights we spend together that much better.