Living single…

For several reasons, J has been in CT all week and I’ve been in NY with the dogs.  I did see him briefly on Monday…I literally walked in the door while he was walking out and we had a quick peck as we passed each other.  I also saw him for a few minutes on Tuesday when he came to NY to pick up some furniture we wanted to move into the CT house.  But for the most part, I’ve been living like a single gal all week. 

And it’s been really nice. 

Does saying that make me a terrible person?  Well, let me explain…

If J’s not home when I get home from work, the house is quiet.  The dogs bark at me, but the TV is off.  No one is laying on the couch in their underwear, asking me what’s for dinner even though they’ve already been home for two hours and are perfectly capable of making their own dinner.  There is no mess in the kitchen or the living room or the bedroom and everything is just as I left it in the morning.  There is no one waiting for me with an agenda and expecting me to move furniture or help with some project the second I walk in the door.  The house is peaceful and I can sit on the couch for a few minutes and relax.  I can watch Dancing with the Stars and Grey’s Anatomy in their entirety without anyone whining about what crappy shows they are and asking me to turn them off ever five seconds.  I can spend an entire evening reading blogs and tweets and Facebook updates without feeling guilty that I’m neglecting J.  And the very best part…when I clean something, it stays clean…because there is not a boy following me around, ready to make a mess again. 

Sometimes I miss being single.  I miss being able to do what I want without having to consider someone else’s needs and wants or being able to make plans without having to consider someone else’s schedule.  I miss the days when I didn’t have to worry about the DVR erasing Private Practice to tape yet another episode of This Old House or when the only dirty socks on the floor were mine.  I miss the days when buying art to hang over the couch was a simple thing that didn’t require a three day negotiation and a mediator.  I miss not being responsible for anyone but myself. 

I had that this week and it was a very nice three days. 

But I’m ready for J to be home now.  I’m ready to come home to someone waiting to greet me…even if that means coming home to a messy house.  I’m ready to have someone to watch TV with, even if that means Dancing and Grey’s have to wait.  I’m ready to not eat dinner alone…because eating dinner alone is the worst.  I’m ready to have someone to talk to without having to worry about dropped calls.  I’m ready to stop being psuedo-single and I don’t even care about the dirty socks that will come along with it.

But, like Carrie and Mr. Big in the second Sex and the City movie, I think we might be on to something.  It’s nice to take a little break every now and then.  It’s nice to have a few days to yourself.  Because all the little things that annoy you on a daily basis matter less and less when you miss someone.  I have a feeling I will be too happy to see J tonight to nag him about picking up his socks.  I don’t even think I’ll mind when he can’t decide what he wants for dinner and takes a half hour to run through every option.  I don’t think I’d want to do this every week and eventually we are going to rent out the NY house, so this won’t even be an option.  But right now, I’m going to enjoy the nights we do get to spend apart and hope that they make the nights we spend together that much better.


  1. I just had a “discussion” with Wilzie about the growing pile of socks in living room – this is a new(ish) habit for him, and I am not impressed.
    I couldn’t imagine living like a single gal again. I hated it, and even though the kitchen is in a perpetual state of mess, it is totally worth it to have my (albeit annoying) Husband around.

  2. B used to go out of town 1 or 2 nights a week for work and I’m not going to lie, it was nice sometimes. I got to watch One Tree Hill without being mocked (although it’s kind of mock-worthy) and make an easy sometimes weird dinner for just myself and listen to music loud and turn the TV on in the bedroom in the morning when I wake up instead of trying to be quiet. Other than that, I do enjoy having him around but sometimes it’s nice to have some alone time. Now if Hobie would just stop being so needy when B is gone.

  3. In the over four years me and my boyfriend have been together, he has literally never gone anywhere for more than a few hours and left me home alone. Never gone on an overnight business trip. Never spent a weekend with friends or family without me. Nothing! I YEARN for solo time AT HOME so I can experience all those little joys you described. I love my guy to death but go somewhere already. LOL.

  4. Oh lady. I love being home by myself. And I love our mutual reasons for loving the temporary single life. I laughed at my desk when I read about J asking you what’s for dinner even though he’s been home for 2 hours. That is my daily existence and it drives me BANANAS! I just spent the weekend state side – it was a secret trip which is why I haven’t blogged about it, and the Boy went home for the weekend. The best part about being on your own for a couple of days is you’re reminded of all of the reasons you love that person. It’s just NICE to miss someone a little. And to only have your own socks to worry about!

  5. Sometimes it’s nice to do things on your own so I feel you 100% I think it’s the only child in me. That being said it’s rare that Mike and I do anything on our own and when we do it feels “off”.

    I think it’s great you still feel OK being totally independent but at the end of the day realize that you can’t imagine NOT having J around. It’s the perfect medium of being an independent woman in love. :)

    It’s like a nice small vacation but at the end of the week your mind is in the right spot.

    P.S. What is the deal with TV in the underwear, Mike does that too. 😉

  6. The longer I’m single the harder time I have imagining sharing my space with anyone. Well, maybe a dog. I fear I’m getting too set in my ways.

  7. I love this post, Shana. Just the other day I was going over reasons I love being single and the many freedoms I have… and then I thought about what I missed about being in a relationship and things on my list were very similar to yours. I hate eating alone, sleeping in my big queen bed, and I miss missing someone in this way that it makes the idea of reuniting with them so special.

    As they say: the grass is always greener.

    But I think it’s perfectly healthy to crave that alone time every now and then. I hope you had a happy reunion :)

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