Still fumbling…

I was talking to someone recently who just started reading the blog.  She asked me about the title…Fumbling Towards Normalcy.  She wanted to know why I had chosen it and what it meant.  I explained it to her and I realized that I never really explained it here.

If you’ve been around a while and read my first few posts, you already know that when I started this blog my life was sort of…well, a big mess.  I started the blog to help me get myself back on track and out of the rut that I was stuck in.  I sat on the couch with J for three hours trying to come up with a name.  I looked at other blogs and I read articles on the subject and I looked at lists of suggested names.  I bounced ideas off J and he made suggestions.  But nothing felt quite right. 

One of those ridiculously sad Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials came on TV.  I love Sarah…always have.  Her album Fumbling Towards Ecstasy is my favorite and always in heavy rotation on my iPod.  I started thinking about the word ecstasy.  I even looked up the definition…a state of intense joy and happiness.  I thought, intense joy and happiness?  I would settle for regular, normal joy and happiness. 

That’s when the name came to me…Fumbling Towards Normalcy.  Because that’s what I was doing.  I was trying to get back to a state of normal instead of miserable…and I most certainly was fumbling my way down that road.  I told J and he thought it was a great title.  And so it came to be…I set the blog up and wrote my first post.

That was December 29, 2009.  Over a year ago.  Today I feel much closer to normal than I did then.  We lead a really busy life, but I feel like I’m on top of things now.  I mean, sure…I forgot to buy pillows and light bulbs the first night in the new house, but I did remember my nephew’s birthday this year.  Plus, the house is clean, the bills are paid, my calendar is up to date, my to-do list is short and I’ve gotten my shit together. One of these days I’ll also get the entryway painted and buy an area rug!  But most importantly, I’m also happy.  J and I are both so much happier than we were in December of 2009. 

This blog has a been a huge help in getting where I am now.  It’s been a great outlet for me to talk about the things on my mind.  If something is bothering me, I can let it out here.  If something is funny, I can share it with all of you.  If I need to vent, you are all here to listen.  No one judges me and the comments you leave just make my day. 

I’ve discovered other wonderful blogs and I love visiting each of you every day.  I read your words and your thoughts and I see that some of you are going through exactly what I’m going through or have had the same experiences I have and it makes me feel…less crazy…less alone…more understood.  I’ve made such great connections with people and I’ve met so many amazing friends that I never would have found otherwise.  And that’s what keeps me coming back here every day. 

To all of you…I want to say thank you…for visiting me…for taking the time to leave me your thoughts…for being there…for sharing your lives with me and for allowing me to share mine with you.  You are the best readers…and friends…ever!

So here I am…over a year later…almost 250 posts written…much more sane…much happier…and still fumbling.


  1. Great post, Shan!
    And great name too, by the way – it is definitely what caught my attention, in the beginning, before I knew how brilliant you are.
    I’m so glad that you are happier, and I find it amazing that something as simple (simple???) as writing a blog can help that along – but mine has done the same for me, so I totally get it.
    Hopefully the future will bring you the normalcy you seek, and you can start fumbling on a new quest (intense joy and happiness sounds pretty good to me).

  2. I would actually beg to differ…I don’t think you are fumbling anymore. I think things are beginning to clarify for you and you have goals and you know where you know where you headed. Having said that, I have always loved your blog title. It reminds us that it’s OK to not be ecstatic all the time. In fact, it’s rare. And it’s a nod to the beauty of not being perfect. We get so caught up in trying to present our lives in the most perfect light possible, but really, the perfect moments come in the normal ones. I love this post and I’m glad someone brought the topic up. And congratulations, love, on 250 posts in just a little over a year. That is dedication!! And nothing fumbling about that!

  3. Awwwww, Shana! You just left me with goosebumps. This is such a beautiful, sweet, touching post. And thank you for your friendship; you were the first bloggy friend I ever had the pleasure of meeting and you’ll always be one of my dearest. You are such a shining light in this blog world and I’m so very happy to read that through this blog you’ve come closer to that feeling of normalcy. I know this feeling; sometimes I think we’re all reaching for it.

    I’ve always loved the title of your blog. Not only because I also happen to be a Sarah McLachlan fan, but I just think it’s genius.

    And CONGRATS on 250 posts!!

  4. I’ve always really loved the name of your blog. In fact, it’s one of the few that I can remember and just type the URL in to access it.

    Blogging has been the most wonderful, cathartic experience. You feel so much less alone in this world, which is funny because we’re all so far from each other, but have such an amazing community.

  5. Awww shucks. What a sweet post. Thanks to you for sharing your life so candidly and honestly with us. I always enjoy your posts. You’re the bees knees.

  6. I love your blogs name – it’s so relatable and most of us have felt like we were fumbling a time or two or twenty in our lives! I’m so happy you’re here expressing yourself and to be along for the ride! ox

  7. I really did tear up a little when I first read this. Not lying. I’m really glad that your blogging has actually helped you and made you feel like you have gotten your life more together. I think you can tell more recently in your posts that you have a happier tone than back when you first started.

  8. Girl, I feel like I’ll be forever fumbling!! And the fumbles always seem to come right when you think you’re really getting it all together!! :) I’m glad you’re happier now. It’s nice to be able to look back and see how far you’ve come, huh? I like that about blogging too.

    Cheers to great blog friends!!

  9. Fumbling. We know that’s something I understand. :) I have to say, though, you really do seem to have it under control. Are you guys in the house yet? I couldn’t tell. And those puppies are SO freakin’ cute!!

  10. Shana –

    I have loved the name of your blog since I first read it. I immediately got the reference to Sarah McLachlan (although I will leave the room if one of her SPCA spots comes on . . . ACK!). I am always appreciative of a blog that is named carefully and with deliberation and thought.

    As for your anniversary? Congratulations!

    You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. You have made something special here. Well done.

    And thank you.


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