Why I was eating Snowballs in the Target lobby…

One of my favorite things about Connecticut is the Target that’s a few miles away from my house.  It’s giant…two glorious floors of wonder and goodness…a shopping cart escaltor…a full produce and meat section…and the best part, employees that actually approach ME to see if I need help.  Forget Disney…for me, this Target is the happiest place on earth. 

So you would think my first shopping trip there would have been a great experience, right? 

It so wasn’t. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let me start at the beginning.

Because of the snowstorm the day before our closing, our plans changed a bit and we decided to only take our truck to the house…our big, giant Ford F150 pick-up truck.  Before last weekend, I had driven the truck exactly two times…both very quick trips that involved me driving in a straight line on a wide street.  Since those two trips I’ve avoided driving the truck.  It’s giant and hard to maneuver…kind of like what I’d imagine driving a boat to be. 

But last weekend I had no choice.  So off I went to Target in the big giant truck…on winding, narrow, snow-filled, icy streets.  I was tense, hunched over the wheel and completely white knuckled.  It was an adventure.

I arrived without incident only to find that the parking lot had a height restriction.  I had no clue how high the truck was and I was afraid to pull into the lot…with my luck I would have ended up tearing the roof off the truck or something.  I found another lot just next door that I knew I could fit in and parked there. 

I was alone, so no one was nagging me to hurry up or pointing out that we didn’t need this or that.  So I spent two fabulous hours browsing the aisles and filling my cart with all the things we needed for the new house.  Luckily, Target is having their “stock up” sale and I was able to buy a lot of things in bulk.  48 rolls of toilet paper…12 jumbo rolls of paper towels…3 packs of Windex and Lysol…gallon jugs of water.  I filled the whole cart, including the shelf underneath, happily paid for my purchases and headed out of the store. 

However, when I reached the door my cart came to a screeching halt…the wheels had locked.  That’s when I noticed the sign…the big, huge sign I had passed on the way into the store…the one that said “NO CARTS BEYOND THIS POINT”.  They weren’t kidding. 

So I started taking bags out of my cart and slowly I realized…there is no way that I’m going to be able to carry all of this crap to the truck.  I put the bags back into the cart and I called J…because surely he’d know what to do. 

He didn’t.  He was no help whatsoever so I hung up. 

I was screwed.

I was practically in tears because I didn’t know what the hell to do.  I was frustrated because I could actually see the truck from where I was standing, and yet, I couldn’t reach it.  I had impulsively bought a package of Hostess Snowballs at the checkout counter and I pulled those out now.  I started stuffing them into my mouth (can you say stress eater?) while I ran through various scenarios in my head.  The thought of leaving all my purchases in the store and just going home came to mind more than once, as did the thought of returning everything that I wasn’t able to carry.  But those options didn’t seem to make sense.

I thought “Gee, I wish I had one of those carts like Marisa has in her car for just such emergencies.  Even one of those old lady carts would be good.”  You know the ones I mean…like this…

Then I thought “Hey, wait a second…Target sells those.”  Relief flooded me and I ran back into the store and bought one. 

I assembled it in the lobby and loaded my bags in.  I managed to fit all the bags but one and my purse, which I was able to carry, but I couldn’t fit the toilet paper or paper towels.  I was once again on the verge of frustrated tears, when a security guard stepped off the elevator.  I explained the situation and he agreed to watch my paper goods while I ran to my truck and unloaded everything else. 

I ended up with two broken nails, but I managed to finally get everything back to the house.  At the house we started to unload the bags and put things away.  That went something like this…

Me: I bought a DVD player…please go hook it up.
J: (a few minutes later)…where are the batteries for the remote?
Me:  Oh…I didn’t buy any.
J:  Well, the DVD player only works with a remote and there are no batteries, so no DVD player.
Me:  Oh well.  It was a good thought.  Can you take those lamps out of the box and set them up in the bed room?
J: Sure…(a few minutes later)…where are the lightbulbs?
Me:  Oh…I didn’t buy any…totally forgot.  Take two out of the bathroom and I’ll get some tomorrow.
J:  Ok…(a few minutes later)…I’m going to make the bed…where are the pillows?
Me:  Shit. 
J: Seriously?
Me: Seriously. 
J: OK, let me get this straight…you went to Target…and spent $350…and bought so much stuff you couldn’t carry it to the truck…but you didn’t buy necessary items like batteries, lightbulbs or pillows?
Me: That seems to be the case…yes. 
J:  So what did you buy?
Me: A lot of things…obviously.
J:  (picks up decorative bathroom hand towels)…Well thank God we have these decorative towels that we can’t use…maybe we can roll them up and use them as pillows!

Which we didn’t.  We used the bath towels instead. 

Getting this house set up has been a bit of a headache.  I’m trying to be so organized, but no matter how many lists I make I am not organized and I forget everything.  So I’ve decided to accept it. 

I’m happy to report that I now have a healthy supply of batteries and lightbulbs…but J told me last night that we need more pillows.  And more Snowballs…those things are delicious!

Comments

  1. That is crazy that you can’t take the cart to your car?!? I think your situation is probably a common occurance that they use to sell those little old lady carts. What a scam.
    That is exactly how I shop. Wilzie and I are renowed for our multiple trips to Wal-Mart…per day

    • You can take the cart to the car if you are parked in the Target lot. I wasn’t. I went there this past weekend again…with the small car…and parked in the Target lot…and it was much easier. No old lady cart needed!

  2. Wow, that Target sounds awesome. But yeah I probably would have freaked out and cried and left all my stuff in the Target if that had happened to me. I don’t do well with those kinds of sitches. I love Target though.

  3. My heart skips a beat every time I set foot in a Target, and I have never even been to one with two whole floors! Sounds amazing. I’m so sorry to hear about the cart snafu, but at least you thought of a smart fix!

    Whenever I set up a new place, I find that I get a ton of things I don’t need and I forget all the essentials, too. You’ll get there (just takes a few trips back and forth). Best of luck settling in! :)

  4. The first time I went into a Target with one of those shopping cart escalators, I nearly did cartwheels (if I could) at the sight of it. It was as if an alien lifeform was standing before me and asked for a Snickers. It was so amazing to me. Doesn’t take much to impress me.

  5. ROFL! We bought our house last April and had many, many similar conversations.

    Our Target doesn’t have those carts. I would be SO mad!

    I’m a total stress eater.

  6. Oh bless your Target-loving heart. I am personally SHOCKED that Target…TARGET…has a no-cart leaves the store policy. Honestly, I have only ever seen this at Everything’s $1.00. And you can’t buy large items that don’t fit in bags…like lamps..at Everything’s $1.00. I simply can’t believe you can’t take a cart out of that store. Wrong on so many levels. Also, what was BEST about us buying a house in the middle of a shopping mall, basically, was that running out to buy batteries and lightbulbs was no big deal because yes, I forgot all of those things, too, when I was setting up the townhouse. BUT I got some fabulous decorate wicker balls for the dining room table. We did not use the wicker balls as pillows, but only because we used the bathroom towels instead. Been there, done that, sister. Just know that this is the Rollercoaster part. Y’know…moments of standing in the middle of Target having a total orgasm over being able to decorate a home with all things beautiful and then cursing and crying because you can’t take the cart out of the store and you forgot everything that was essential to making everything that is beautiful work. You bought a ticket for that rollercoaster…just try to enjoy the ride. And don’t puke.
    xoxo

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