Last week, while standing in line at the grocery store, I glanced at the cover of People and saw this…
Apparently, life isn’t working out the way Miss Kardashian thought it would. My first though was “Ugh, another Kardashian?”, but my second thought was “You and me, both, Kimmy”.
You see, if you’d told me ten years ago that I would be starting down 35, unmarried and childless, I would have thought you were smoking dope. I had a plan and that plan included getting married around 26 and having my first kid at 27. According to the plan, I should be on baby number three right now.
Obviously, that plan didn’t work out.
J and I weren’t very smart about things in the beginning. We met and we liked each other and we started seeing each other without really making clean breaks from our previous relationships. So in the beginning, there were really four people in our relationship and that made things…complicated. It took us a long time to move past that and to really establish ourselves as a couple. Then I went through a period of time where I decided that I didn’t want to have kids…ever. Then…a lot of other things happened…things that led us off course in one way or another.
The very short story is that, although J and I thought we knew what we wanted, we really had no clue. We also didn’t communicate well and things that should have been no big deal ended up being huge issues with hurt feelings and anger. It ended up taking us much longer than it should have to get where we are now.
I spent a good deal of time being resentful that my life wasn’t turning out as expected and I looked for anyplace I could lay blame. I re-hashed things over and over again. I said things and did things that were stupid and childish and ridiculous. I spent a lot of time being unhappy.
Then I realized that I was wasting even more time. I was fixated on things that had happened in the past…things I couldn’t change or take back or do over. I was completely ignoring what I did have…a boyfriend that I loved. So we weren’t married yet…so we didn’t have kids yet…we were sharing our lives and we’d made a home together. The rest would come in time.
And just like that, I was happy again.
That’s a total lie. I didn’t wake up one morning and realize all of this. It took me a while to work through it and come to these conclusions. It took me even longer to accept that my plan wasn’t happening. But I did eventually and I changed my focus away from what happened in the past and onto what we need to do in the future to get where we want to go.
Our house is a much happier place these days. We get along better and there is less fighting and more laughing. We’ll get married and we’ll have babies…soon. (At least, it will be soon if J knows what’s good for him.) In the meantime, we are just going to enjoy what we have.
As for Kim Kardashian…when I left that magazine on the coffee table and J saw the cover he said “If she wanted to get married so bad, maybe she shouldn’t have made that sex tape. No one wants to marry the girl who’s flashing her shit all over town.” There you have it…relationship advice from J.
And that’s why I keep him around.