Open Letter Thursday…

Dear Michael Bolton,

I understand that it probably wasn’t fun to stand on national television and hear that your jive was the worst in eleven seasons.  The 3 that Bruno gave you was a tad harsh as well.  I’m sure that was a big blow to your ego.  But running all over town, demanding public apologies and reprimands?  Are you serious? 

First of all…you sucked.  I don’t think there is really a question about that.  You were awkward and clumsy and sometimes your face looked like you were in pain.  Maybe you were too focused on your tour to devote yourself to your dancing.  Or maybe you just aren’t very coordinated.  Whatever the reason…you weren’t good.  Period.  Honestly, I thought you deserved the 3 just for the stunt with the dog house.  It was way lame.

No one likes losing, but you are making things so much worse with the whole sore loser routine you have going on.  You are acting like a bratty little kid with your demands and your sour grapes.  Ok…so your 90-year-old mother flew in to see you dance…so what?  Should the judges have boosted your score because your mom was there?  I don’t think so. 

But here’s the thing that I’m curious about…you have a concert scheduled for Monday night at 7pm in Nebraska.  How were you planning to be in CA dancing and NE singing at the same time?  Exactly…you weren’t.  It would have been impossible. 

So you want to know what I think?  I think this was all a bunch of crap.  Were you the worst dancer?  Absolutely.  Should you have gotten voted off based on that performance?  Of course.  Did Bruno give you such a low score to ensure you got thrown off so you wouldn’t have to cancel a concert?  Just maybe.  Is this whole controversy made up to give you some publicity?  I think it might be. 

Either way…stop with your public temper tantrum.  It’s boring and no one wants to hear about it anymore.  Take the loss like a man and go finish your tour. 

Oh and lose that stupid earring…it’s not working for you.

Thanks for your attention to this matter,



  1. Absolutely! His performance was horrendous and his attitude (both in rehearsal clips and on stage) was worse.

  2. I didn’t see his performance! Off to check it out!

  3. Ugh. Bolton needs to get a spine. I saw him ranting on Access Hollywood and wanted to throw something at the TV.

  4. I haven’t seen any of the DWTS episodes yet for this season but I’m burning my poor little DVR out. Too much fall television! Anyhoo… this is just sad. I hate a sore loser.

    Makes me think of the movie Office Space (which I’m pretty sure I’ve perhaps already quoted on your blog? I LOVE that movie!). So many great one-liners, since one of the main characters shares the same name. This is one is my favorite (Michael speaking to Samir about his name):

    “There *was* nothing wrong with it… until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.”

  5. First of all, I was too lazy to boot up my laptop this morning and so I’m reading on Neal’s net book. It doesn’t recognize your blog so I had to put the name, email, website all in again. It was just like the first time!! It’s the closest I’ve been to a virgin in a long time.

    OK…so between you and Amanda, I’m seriously upset that we’ve missed DWTS thus far. We had EVERY intention of watching it but crazy travel schedule and no cable in KY (Neal got us a Roku for up here. It’s not a small Chinese man. I’ll explain later.) and we haven’t been able to watch ANY of it. I’m so sad that I’m missing The Situation’s total unsituationess and Michael Bolton’s suck ass performance and Florence Henderson. Although which of these does not belong…

    Anyway, I LOVE Open Letter Thursdays like peach chutney and can’t wait to finish catching up on the Life of Shana. Unfortch, we’re getting in the car in an hour to drive back to GA (all 8 hours of it) so it will have to be tomorrow morning. But I’m stalking you, beyotch!

Speak Your Mind