I am in the wrong line of work…

I’ve been considering a career change for a while now, but I wasn’t really sure what it was that I wanted to do.  Today, it finally hit me…

I am going to become a reality tv star. 

Seriously. 

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is going to make $5 million dollars this year.  $5 MILLION DOLLARS!  All he does is go to the gym, get spray tanned and do his laundry.  When he’s done with all that he goes to “the club” and hits on skanky girls and acts like a pig.  For this he gets paid a salary by MTV, appearance fees for going to parties and clubs and endorsement fees from companies like Reebok and Vitamin Water.  And get this…he has a book deal.  Someone is going to pay this ape to write a book.  It’s insane.

Don’t get me started on The Real Housewives of NJ.  Those chicks are just nuts…and stupid.  They scream and yell and pull hair and act like lunatics.  They throw tables in restaurants and use words like cleansiness and ethnenticity.  They also get book deals…and apparently, recording contracts. 

So here’s my plan…I’m going to get my own show on Bravo.  We are going to call it The Super Fabulous Life of Shana and J.  I’m going to let them come to my house and film J and me.  Here are some highlights that you, as a viewer, will see…

  • J and I fighting over not refilling the ice trays.
  • J singing and talking to the dogs and just yapping in general…I swear, he never shuts up.
  • Me sitting in the recliner in the bedroom, writing blog posts.
  • Me chatting on the phone with my mom.
  • My brother and sister-in-law coming over to eat take-out Chinese.
  • J and I have inane conversations about the apostles.
  • Sofie standing over me at 5 AM, snapping her jaws until I get up and feed her.
  • J and I complaining about our crazy neighbors having their roof worked on at 7 AM every day…including Saturday. 

I’m telling you…it will be very compelling stuff.

I’m willing to use poor grammar and mispronounce words and scream at the top of my lungs…which is something I’m pretty good at.  I’m even willing to wear inappropriately tight clothing and tease my hair.  I draw the line at going to “the club” and going home with random, icky men for groping sessions…I don’t think J would appreciate it.  I would, however, be happy to flip a table occasionally.

Then I can get appearance fees and a book deal.  I would really, really love a book deal. 

So tell me…would you watch?

Comments

  1. LOL!!! You know, I totally would. It’s got to be better than half the crap that Bravo puts out (though I watch a good portion of it). Hey, this is REAL LIFE, people! Don’t even get me started on the Situation. I have no idea how that tool can even tie his laces.

  2. Count me in! I’m sure the ice cube tray incident will be riveting and, ultimately, legendary.

  3. I would definitely watch! Especially if you threw in some of the people you meet on your bus rides.

  4. Ew! That bag of meat makes $5mil per year? My life sucks. :(

    If you ever had your own show, I would most certainly watch it. Could I make a guest appearance as the wacky neighbor or something?

  5. Don’t forget on again off again battles between you and J – I don’t think Jersey Shore would last without the Sammy/Ronnie drama.

    I would totally watch your show!

    EVEN HASSLEHOFF IS GETTING HIS OWN REALITY SHOW ON A&E!!!

  6. i knew about the book deals and blogged about the absurdity a little bit ago. i did NOT know about the 5 million, however. 5 freaking million. and he’s not even that cute. that would only make it slightly more tolerable.

    viewers would die from boredom watching my reality show.

  7. OK…feel special because I am fading fast but I wanted to get all caught up on my girl!
    1) I LOVE football season, however, I have a feeling it’s not going to hold the same magic for me this year because fall in Georgia is not fall in Kentucky and I’m super scared it’s going to suck with all of its warmth. I mean, football is chili and Snuggies and beer and scarecrows. How does 98 degrees fit into that? It doesn’t. But I’m scaryjealous of your season tickets to Giants games. When we moved here, we thought there was a chance we could get season tickets to Atlanta stuff, but it’s 90 minutes up the road and who has time or gas money for that? Not this girl. But I hope there are more pictures of games in the future. Go ahead and spring for the long lens, if need be.

    2) I think you should absolutely invite camera crews into your house for the purpose of getting rich off of your slutty clothing and embarrassing grammar! Although, I think we should team up and do a travel show and take people around the world to weird and exotic places a la Anthony Bourdain. That sounds like WAY more fun. Except that I don’t eat eel or suck on toes. And I prefer not to sleep on the ground. Let’s get crackin’ on that, shall we? I will be free for the entire year of 2011.

  8. I would most definitely watch your show! Of course, you’re going to have to sleep with one of those little cameras on your head, so that we viewers can get the full effect of Sofie at 5 AM! OMG–you could make it 3D! It would be the FIRST reality show to ever incorporate 3D. You can thank me later for that little gem (give or take half a mill. depending on what your fainl payout is). :-)

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