I am so much more mature…

Remember that older guy I had the affair with…the one I mentioned here?  Well, the story with us was that we’d both gotten dumped and we spent a lot of time together to fill the voids left by our exes.  We ended up falling into a relationship of sorts.  We hung out, went out to brunch, went shopping, went to the movies, ate take-out, hung out with his kid, went out dancing and…some other things.  We got along really well and we had fun together, but T…that’s his name…had an issue with our age difference.  He was 17 years older than me.  He was 39 and looked 39.  I was 22 and looked 18.  We got stares sometimes when we were together.  Also, I had been his assistant for years and it was a bit of a scandal at the company he owned. 

It didn’t last.  He felt that it was wrong for him to be dating someone so much younger.  I didn’t really see the problem and I spent a lot of time being mad at him.  Then I met J and I got over it.

I’ve spoken to T occasionally over the years and we’ve kept up on each other’s lives.  He was in a relationship for a long time with a woman who was great, but he screwed it up and she dumped him.  He’s now engaged to a different woman who I’ve never met, but who I haven’t heard great things about. 

He called me last week and asked for my dad’s phone number.  His fiancée needs a new car and my dad just happens to do auto financing.  I gave him the number.  Later that day, my dad called to tell me that the new fiancee…is my age.  That shocked me…partly because he never mentioned it, but also because he had such a problem with our age difference.  Now…I understand that she’s not 22, but she’s still significantly younger than he is. 

I called him back and upon hearing him say hello, I said “She’s my age???”  First he laughed.  Then he started with the excuses.  She was 30 when they met, not 22…she’s got a kid…being a mother has made her more mature…blah, blah, blah.  I was kind of upset by this revelation and even more so by his excuses.  It wasn’t because I was jealous…I wasn’t.  J is the person I’m supposed to be with and our relationship is 100 times better than anything I would have had with T.  Things ended up as they should be. 

So why was I upset?  Well, because T looks at me like I’m a kid.  It makes sense, I guess.  He’s known me since I was 18 and we haven’t really spent time together since I was 22.  My guess is that when we talk, the picture in his mind is of my 22-year-old self.  He has no real sense of me the way I am now.  The reason I was so upset is that I was insulted by the insinuation that I was immature.  It’s stupid…I know.  But that’s how I felt.

Well…fast forward to this weekend.  T brought his fiancée to see my dad.  Apparently, she wasn’t very nice…though I’m sure that my dad bringing me up every two minutes didn’t help there.  My dad gave them a really good deal on a car as a favor to T.  She was very picky and very rude and she embarrassed T in front of my father.  My father didn’t care that she didn’t buy a car from him…but there was no need to be so rude about it.  She acted like she was doing him the favor instead of the other way around. 

I wish I could say I was shocked by her behavior, but I wasn’t.  Apparently, she throws a mini tantrum like this whenever she doesn’t get her way and this isn’t the first time she’s embarrassed T like this.  What I am shocked about is that he puts up with it.  He’s changed his whole life around for her, alienated his family to be with her and even moved to a different state because she wanted to.  His repayment is a lack of appreciation.  I don’t get it.  But then…I guess I don’t need to get it.  It’s not my life. 

I have to admit…it made me a little happy to hear that little miss maturity isn’t quite so mature after all.  Of course, gloating about that makes me immature.  But gloating I am.  I know that I would never, ever act like that.  I would never take J for granted.   I would never be rude to someone who was trying to help me.  I would never embarass him.  Which makes me the better woman. 

I’m kidding…sort of.

Am I crazy?  Is it bad that I feel a little better knowing that she’s a bitch?  Is it nuts that I even care at all?  Any words of wisdom to make me feel less crazy are appreciated.


  1. You aren’t crazy at all! Well at least if you are crazy then I’m crazy too. I got engaged and around the same time my ex moved in with his g/f. Why do I care right? Well I did. And seeing her on facebook wearing the same dress I have wasn’t cool either. I mean I am totally hotter it in of course but I shouldn’t care. I have Matt and he’s so much better than my ex.

    I think it’s normal no matter what to feel like that about an ex.

    PS – thanks for the tip about 1-2 WW pt snacks vs more pt snacks. I have never thought about it that way but it makes complete sense!

  2. I’m pretty sure that gloating makes you more mature than stomping your feet and holding your breath till you get the car you want…
    You are not a bitch at all, I think that’s a pretty normal reaction – even though you no longer have any vested interest, its nice to know that you are so much better off

  3. I would like to say that you are crazy. But I’m pretty sure most girls would feel the same way upon hearing about an ex-boyfriend. I mean we don’t want to care. We just can’t help it.

  4. Well, I haven’t blogged about this because I’m not really sure what to say about it…but I found out a couple of weeks ago that my 3rd ex-fiance (the one who called off our wedding 6 weeks before) just got married. And I’m thinking “but I am the one who handmade 300 wedding invitations AND became Catholic AND bought a big ass dress for a big ass Catholic wedding” (none of which I would take back now…I’m just saying, that was a LOT of work). Why wouldn’t he want to marry ME??? And then I saw her wedding dress…her *red* wedding dress. I’m not even kidding. And I cackled. Like a lot. And then made a joke about to 20 of my closest girlfriends about how their reception centerpieces looked like penises. So, um…no..I’m pretty sure you are NOT crazy or immature. Although, if you were…men make us this way and it’s totally and completely their fault. I would have reacted in EXACTLY the same way.

    And not only are you more mature, I would bet my gorgeous Colonel Ketchup that you are 100% prettier too!

    • My friend and I had a field day trashing her this afternoon. The decision is that she’s ok looking, but slutty.

      She wore a red dress! Hello tacky! You are so much better off with Neal.

  5. Damn…that was supposed to be “1000”

  6. Okay, first things first: you are totally NOT crazy. I’m pretty sure this is a common thing, regardless of how far in our past our exes are. I think certain breakups really affect us in ways we cannot ever fathom and this may have been one of them for you. but think back to shana at 22. do you have anything in common with this girl anymore? chances are, you don’t. that being said: it’s unfortunate that’s what T remembers, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that you’re in a much better place now with someone who truly loves and cares about you.

    but i don’t fault you for being a little happy to hear of his gf’s bitchiness firsthand. this is also normal, me thinks. when i found out that my ex’s new gf barely speaks english and is a total bitch, i laughed until i cried. because my first impression was that she was MUCH younger than me and very, very pretty so of course i was upset. having that little tidbit of info helped me to put that relationship in a box and close it for good.

  7. You are exactly normal. And, I happen to know that women don’t have the market cornered on gloating and some ‘ex-satisfaction’, because hubs was the same way about a certain someone from his past.
    Hey, and, it has nothing to do with being immature! I think it’s just human nature. :)

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