J is in the kitchen right now. I hear pots and pans clanging. I hear water running. I hear the dog gate opening and closing. I have no idea what he’s doing down there, but I know that I’m annoyed by it. Which is stupid, because it’s his house, too, and he can do whatever he wants. But I’m a control freak and I don’t want him to touch anything.
Last night was awesome too. I went to bed at 11:30 and J decided at 12 that he wanted to cut his hair…in the master bathroom…where I was sleeping. There were lights on and the clipper was really loud and it was all just annoying. I offered to do it for him, not because I was trying to be nice, but because when I do it it’s over faster. He declined. Eventually, I just got up and finished it. Then I went back to bed, annoyed, and didn’t sleep for hours.
Some days I really miss living my myself.
I miss decorating the way I want without having to consult someone else.
I miss arranging the kitchen the way that works best for me.
I miss being able to clean a room and have it still be clean 3 hours later.
I miss being able to use the bathroom in peace, without someone yelling commentary from the other side of the door.
I miss controlling the remote.
I miss being woken up by the alarm clock instead of by two very spirited labs…at 5 AM.
I miss being able to watch Real Housewives of NJ or Grey’s Anatomy and having the whining come only from the TV and not from the person next to me on the couch.
Some days, I just want to run away.
But then some days, instead of jumping on me and barking, Sofie and Sadie curl up next to me and give me kisses.
Some days, J gets me the dessert I like without being asked.
Some days, everyone is so happy to see me when I come home that they can hardly stand it.
Some days, J walks the dogs at 5 AM and lets me sleep late.
Some days, I am really very much in love with J and the girls.
And on those days…it’s all worth it.