What I miss…

J is in the kitchen right now.  I hear pots and pans clanging.  I hear water running.  I hear the dog gate opening and closing.  I have no idea what he’s doing down there, but I know that I’m annoyed by it.  Which is stupid, because it’s his house, too, and he can do whatever he wants.  But I’m a control freak and I don’t want him to touch anything. 

Last night was awesome too.  I went to bed at 11:30 and J decided at 12 that he wanted to cut his hair…in the master bathroom…where I was sleeping.  There were lights on and the clipper was really loud and it was all just annoying.  I offered to do it for him, not because I was trying to be nice, but because when I do it it’s over faster.  He declined.  Eventually, I just got up and finished it.  Then I went back to bed, annoyed, and didn’t sleep for hours. 

Some days I really miss living my myself. 

I miss decorating the way I want without having to consult someone else.

I miss arranging the kitchen the way that works best for me.

I miss being able to clean a room and have it still be clean 3 hours later. 

I miss being able to use the bathroom in peace, without someone yelling commentary from the other side of the door.

I miss controlling the remote.

I miss being woken up by the alarm clock instead of by two very spirited labs…at 5 AM.

I miss being able to watch Real Housewives of NJ or Grey’s Anatomy and having the whining come only from the TV and not from the person next to me on the couch.

Some days, I just want to run away. 

But then some days, instead of jumping on me and barking, Sofie and Sadie curl up next to me and give me kisses.

Some days, J gets me the dessert I like without being asked. 

Some days, everyone is so happy to see me when I come home that they can hardly stand it. 

Some days, J walks the dogs at 5 AM and lets me sleep late. 

Some days, I am really very much in love with J and the girls.

And on those days…it’s all worth it.


  1. I so relate. I live alone now and it will change come fall, and I’m slightly freaking about a lot of what you’re feeling right now. I’ve been there and I’m truly enjoying my alone time. I’m scared to give it up. I do think with a period of adjustment you’ll get there though!

  2. It’s been two years…I think my adjustment period is long over. Actually, I used to be much worse!

  3. Sometimes I have to tell my husband to leave the house because I need to be alone and his presence is draining me. Is that awful? Your post made me think about something though… I have never lived alone. Never. I have always had roommates, lived with my husband, my parents… a dorm mate. Someone. Is that normal? I don’t know. I think I will write a blog post about it sometime.

    • I have a bunch of friends who never lived alone. My brother and his wife never lived alone either…they lived with their respective parents and then with each other.

      I made a lot of sacrifices to be able to afford to live alone, but I’m such a control freak that I knew I’d never be able to live with a roommate. I knew I had to live alone until I was married, or in my case, in a committed relationship.

  4. This is SUCH a great post. It’s so true. I feel you on the whole wanting to watch what you want to without the whining or commentary about how stupid the show you’re watching is. HELLOOO I know the Kardashians are vapid girls but I like watching the show GO ON THE OTHER ROOM!


    • When we first moved in we put a TV in the bedroom, but never ran the cable up there. We would just watch movies in there. One night, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I made J run the cable to the bedroom…at midnight…so he could watch his shows and I could watch mine. It was mature…but it was so necessary.

  5. I can relate with you this. I love Matt and love living with him but part of me is looking forward to being home alone next week while he travels for work. I will make what I want for dinner, eat it on a tv tray, while I watch my bad reality, and not feel guilty.

  6. I have enjoyed this week when my husband had to leave for work way earlier than normal and I got to lay in bed watching the Today show. Normally I get up an hour before him and it sucks. I also like trying out weird recipes when he goes out of town. I’m kind of lucky in that he goes out of town for work a few times a month so I have just the right number of days on my own. I also miss him some. I do like him (just wanted to mention that).

  7. I love this post! I can absolutely relate. For some reason, even though MusicMan and I are going on about three years living together now, I’ve been incredibly irked by the fact that he needs to fall asleep with the TV on in the bedroom every single night. I go through phases where I don’t even notice, and then these faces where it drives me completely insane to the point where I’m all pissy about it. This post helped me put in in perspective, so thanks for that! :-)

    • J does this too. And if I turn the TV off after he falls asleep? He wakes up and turns it back on. Last night? I slept in the guest room. Because I was so tired and I just couldn’t deal with the noise. Tonight? I’ll sleep in our room with him. And I’ll wear ear plugs.

  8. *sigh* I would like to say that I can relate, but I really can’t. I’m one of those people that have never lived alone – I went from home to staff accommodations, to scuzzy boyfriend, back home, then with Wilzie. And Wilzie is by far the best of my cohabitants.
    He still drives me crazy, just not as bad as the others

  9. Freaky. It’s like you just read my mind and typed it out. Just substitute dogs for sons.

  10. I can totally relate to this, Shana. The grass is ALWAYS greener though, isn’t it? It’s important to find moments of serenity when you can, because living with someone can be taxing. I remember those days though, when my ex would complain about the crap I watch on TV… and it’s nice that I can watch what I want now when I want… But there are definitely things I miss about having a roomie, too.

    This was a great post, girl :)

  11. Also, I can’t believe J cut his hair in the bedroom at midnight. That would drive me insane! LOL!!!

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