I want you to want to do the dishes…

Or, in this case, hang up your jeans.  This is a concept that J does not seem to understand.  Housework is a touchy subject in our house.  J seems to think that the cleaning and other chores just get done by little magical fairies that come in the middle of the night.  It’s one of the major things that we fight about. 

I admit that I can be a little lax about cleaning the house.  First of all…I hate cleaning.  And I work a lot so I want to spend my little bit of downtime relaxing and hanging out with J.  If it was up to me, I would hire someone to come and clean…expensive, but I feel it’s money well spent.  J won’t hear of it.  He doesn’t like strangers in his house and often reminds me that my mother’s cleaning lady stole my grandmother’s engagement ring.  So I don’t have someone else clean the house…I do it myself.  As much as I hate cleaning, I have a system and it only takes me a couple of hours on a Sunday for a major cleaning and then a few minutes each night to tidy up. 

I don’t really let J help with the cleaning because I am a control freak and if he doesn’t clean something the way I like it done, I just have to do it over.  So if he’s home while I’m cleaning, I usually make him go watch tv or something.  Him not helping with the actual cleaning is not the issue.  I’m not asking him to clean…I’m just asking him not to make a mess! 

The top three that really get under my skin are:

  1. When he makes peanut butter bones for the dogs in the morning, he leaves the dirty, peanut butter covered knife on the counter.  Our counter is brown granite, so it’s a blob of peanut butter really blends in with the pattern.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put my hand down on the counter, only come up with a palm full of peanut butter.  This makes me insane.
  2. He doesn’t wipe out the sink after brushing his teeth and there are always a few drops of toothpaste left over.  He also leaves little hairs around the sink after shaving.  The sink is white, which makes every speck of dirt glaringly obvious.  Would it kill you to take a tissue and wipe it up? 
  3. His jeans live permanently on the dining room chair.  He comes home, takes off his coat and his pants and hangs both on the back of the chair.  I don’t like that but I’ve made my peace with it, because he’s been doing it for two years and I can’t get him to stop.  The thing is…his pants are now migrating to the living room.  Last night, in order to sit on the corner of the couch, I had to move three pairs of pants/jeans.  Why do they need to be there.

Last night, we had a sort of “State of the Union” conversation and this stuff came up.  He said if his pants were bothering me all I had to do was ask him to move them.  Really?  Have I not asked you a million times already?  Do you think I’m going to change my mind and one day just not care?  J is a grown-ass man and I am NOT his mother, so why do I have to remind him of this stuff on a daily basis? 

So my darling, J (who reads my blog now!) I don’t want to ask you to move your pants and not leave peanut butter on the counter.  I don’t want to be a nagging pain in the ass all the time.  I want you to want to move your pants because you know that it makes me happy.  Is that really such a difficult concept?


  1. HI J!!!! Dude!!! I’m all for taking off your pants as soon as you walk into the house, but put them away and the peanut butter knife in the sink and stop driving my girl Shan nuts. :)

    I think this is a pretty standard guy thing. M leaves half full glasses on tables and I always tell him to clean them out and put them in the dishwasher. He learned his lesson the other day when one of the cats knocked over a glass he had left on the coffee table and it stained the wood. Dammit.

  2. Lol. Totally sounds like my hubby and me. And makes me think of the movie The Breakup. Which maybe isn’t a good thing…

  3. I’m stopping by from SITS! I just wanted to share a bit of comment love.♥

    I don’t know how long you’ve been married, or if you are, but my amazing hubby and I will celebrate 20 years this coming September. It has not always been easy but I’ve learned a couple of things along the way that have definitely made a difference in our relationship.

    1st – You absolutely can not change the other person. If you think you can, well, you will just become more and more frustrated and angry as you go along. The only person you can change is yourself.

    2nd – Pick your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff. When you boil it all down, most of it really is small stuff!

    3rd – Do you want to be right (aka have your way) or do you want to be happy?

    It sounds like you have a really good man. At least he wants to help you clean. Maybe you need to work on the control part?? That goes back to #1. This was and still is my biggest issue in our marriage. I always wanted things done my way. I had to learn that just because it wasn’t done MY way, didn’t mean it wasn’t right.

    Good luck to you and your man!

    Teresa <

  4. Shana,
    Same story, different house. I just have to laugh – sorry 😉 I feel ya girl . . . You love him. He loves you. It’ll be okay 😉

  5. sounds like from the movie…. lol…. I feel for you…. Men just don’t get it. They want verbatim messages. We’re just too profound for that. They hafta realize that there are things that doesn’t need to be reminded always. Its just soo frustrating. You don’t want to nag, but sometimes, you can only take so much… But in the end, you’re kinda used to them…. lol….

    Dropping by from SITS… Hope u have a great day!!

  6. hmm im thinking about how my boyfriend’s bedroom looks like an episode of hoarders and predicting how i’ll have a post similar to this in the future when we move in together… lol hang in there, hun! and good luck :)

  7. Holy Cow, I feel like we’re soul sisters! I’m famous for saying stuff like ‘the laundry fairy’ must be putting in extra hours somewhere else and ‘the dishwashing fairy’ is late. Crap like that. I’m pretty much the only one who works inside the house. Hubs does the outside stuff like mowing and car washing. He’s pretty lucky b/c we live in PA and you maybe mow for 6 months out of the year.
    Anywho…I’d rather do the household chores b/c, just like you, I want them done a certain way. I am pretty lucky though, b/c he’s anal and picks up after himself and rinses his dishes, etc. He had a Mama that made him tow the line. I love that lady:)

  8. Dude, seriously could have written this one! Dan is, for the most part, a very neat and tidy husband. But if I had a quarter for every time he left trash on the counter 5 feet from the trash can, I’d have an assload of quarters. And he cuts his own hair – he’s pretty good about cleaning up after himself, but still. Gross.

    But then I have to remember that he lives with my clean laundry residing everywhere but in my closet. It could be so much worse.

  9. My husband loves to take his pants off upon arriving home as well but he typically throws them in his office so i don’t have to see them so much. We have had many dish washing fights. But I have pretty much learned that I’m going to be doing most of the dishes if I want them done fast. However B does do all the outside stuff and trash and lawn mowing. Things I would hate to do so I’ve learned to accept it. Oh and apparently nagging lead to B not wanting to do something I ask him even more. It’s a vicious cycle.

  10. Wow, do I ever feel your pain on this one. My husband does a million little things that drive me crazy when it comes to keeping things clean. We have a coat closet, yet he insists on hanging his coat on the dining room chairs. It just looks messy. And he refuses to put anything in the dishwasher — just sits his glasses in the sink if he remembers to bring them in at all. And he likes to eat cereal, cookies, whatever snacks in bed. I mean, not ideal, but I could live with it IF he wasn’t so careless with the crumbs! I think men are genetically programmed to not give a crap about cleaning.

  11. Hahaha…”same story, different house” that’s hysterical because it’s SOO true. I clean the house because I am home during the day. I mean, I own a business, so it’s not like I’m sitting on the couch eating chocolate-covered potato chips…but I do have time between tasks to take care of it. Plus, I’m also very control freaky and like my house to be cleaned the way I like it to be cleaned…which usually means Pledging the base boards in the kitchen and vacuuming out the utensil drawers. None of which he does. But when he teleworks, he makes messes all over the house, which makes me NUTS. He somehow drips coffee grounds on the way to the trash can EVERY single morning. How does that happen? It never happens to me. And he spills coffee all over the towel in front of the coffee maker, thus staining all of my dish towels brown. I mean, it’s not like you’re funneling your coffee into a vial. Is it really that hard not to spill your coffee everywhere?? And then he dumps his electric razor shavings in the sink and “forgets” to rinse it out and BLEH!! Men left to their own devices are messy and foul individuals. Good luck with your mission. And dear Shana’s hubs: you don’t have to ask her to spend EVERY Sunday morning cleaning the house…please don’t make her ask you to not mess it up…on behalf of wives EVERYWHERE.

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