What we have here is a failure to communicate…

J and I suck at communicating.  As much as I’d like to blame him, it’s both our faults, though we are bad in different ways.  He doesn’t listen to me, though he pretends to and he often thinks he tells me things when he doesn’t.  I expect him to read my mind and know what I’m thinking and I am often not clear when I do tell him what I want, sometimes using such descriptive words as “thingy” and “doohickey”.

This lack of communication often leads to arguments and frustration.  He’s a little example of what I’m talking about…we have had this conversation three times now:

J: What are you doing?
Me: Updating my blog.
J: What blog?
Me: My blog.
J: You have a blog?
Me:  Yes, since the beginning of January.  I’ve told you about this.
J:  Do you write about me?
Me:  You have to read it to find out.
J: Nah.

Here’s another one…

Last night I went to be early because my back was bothering me.  Normally, I shower at night, but I just wanted to go to sleep, so I decided to take a shower in the morning.  I told J this when I went upstairs.  He told me he was going to do some work the in the basement and then come to bed.  What he really meant when he said that was that he was going to watch G.I. Joe and fall asleep on the couch.  Ok, whatever…he’s the one sleeping on the couch, not me.  If that’s what he wanted to do, fine.

When I got up this morning, I walked the dogs and told him I was going to take a shower…to which is replied OK.  After my shower, while I was drying my hair, he came bounding into the bedroom, all put out and wearing his “working on the house” clothes…it was 6:30 am.  He wanted to know if I’d used the hot water.  Not being a fan of cold showers at dawn, I said that yes, I used the hot water.  He told me I was annoying because I never tell him anything and then went back down to the basement, where I heard drilling.

When I was dressed for work, I went downstairs to find out what was going on.  He was drilling a whole in the basement wall and told me he was re-running a duct because the building inspector was coming to inspect our furnace.  This was all news to me!   The reason I was annoying was because my use of hot water had caused the water heater to run and thus heat up the exhaust duct, causing him to burn himself which, I have to admit, I found amusing.  I had to walk out of the room because I didn’t think it was nice to laugh in his face.  He gets so grumpy when he gets hurt.  I tried to explain that, had he told me his plans for the morning or actually stuck to his plans for last night or actually listened to me when I spoke, his injury could have been prevented.  He didn’t see it that way.  He continued to be a grump, so I went to work. 

When I got home he promised to work on his communication and pay more attention to me when I talk.  We’ll see how that goes.


  1. Nice. The Universal Story continues, eh? I think you are re-telling the story most of us tell. Life. Thinking of you and sending loving energy your way. I absolutely LOVE your honesty. Your blog is amazing. :-))))

  2. That’s really good that he’s going to make an effort! The burning could have totally been avoided if he had just talked to you about it in the first place. Sad that he had to learn a lesson that way. 😉

    This type of thing happens in so many relationships. I’m not entirely sure M is listening to me either when I talk to him sometimes.

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